The Journey Within

As I drive my scooter through Bali, singing the Maha Mritunjaya mantra to the top of my lungs, it feels like nothing can hurt me. Small things that would have caused frustration and division in the past, like getting cut in traffic or being yelled at, simply go through me as if I were a sheet of transparent glass. It comes, I notice it, it goes. No holding on, grasping or clenching.

I realise I’m in heaven, as I cruise in the sunshine through the picturesque scenery, roads bordered by well-tended grass, fragrant frangipani trees, ornate temples. And delicate penjor erect against the blue summer sky, skilfully built by Balinese families in front of their houses as an offering to gods and ancestors. These elaborate, ceremonial bamboo poles (read more about it here), so representative Bali’s unique blend of spiritual devotion and artistic sense, mark the celebration of Galungan, the Balinese new year remembering the victory of dharma (the cosmic order) over adharma (evil).

And so just like that, I realise it’s been a year I’m in Bali. I arrived on the island just before the previous Galungan, back in February. More accurately, it’s been a Balinese year – 210 days.

While much of that year was spent exploring the island, the last 2 months, in stark contrast, have been about exploring myself. Internal journey over external one.

Back to school

It started with a life-changing, 200 hour yoga teacher training at The Practice in Canggu. As I mentioned in my previous post, the Universe conspired to have me join this training.

However, it was happening…in Canggu. As I previously wrote, I’d had a fairly poor experience of Canggu throughout my time on the island. So I was really not looking forward to be back.

But life has a great sense of humour it seems. My third stint in “The ‘Goo” as they call it ended up being very different to the previous ones. I even started growing fond of the place. Granted, the vibe had transformed. No more Instagram influencer catwalk. Or drunk teenagers scavenging the streets. All because — or thanks to — the pandemic. And it just happened that the people I met who are left, the expats or travellers who hung on, are all gems.

I found a small guest house for the month of August. No need for anything fancy as I was going to be in class at my yoga teacher training (abbreviated as YTT for the rest of the post) from early mornings to late afternoons. Back to school! I just can’t stress how grounding it was to return to a daily routine. Who thought I’d miss that?!

And then, the YTT started.

On the first day, I arrive at The Practice for the opening ceremony. 10 minutes late, of course 💁‍♂️ A Balinese priest blesses us with sacred water and prayers. We are given the traditional, white-red-black protection band representing the holy Hindu trinity (Brahma-Vishnu-Shiva). Later, we have our first yoga practice followed by a sharing circle, where my fellow mates open up so vulnerably to then-strangers. We’re an eclectic group of seekers. Some in their early 20s, others in their mid-40s. Small business owners, freelancers, students, vagabonds. Some living on the island for nearly a decade, others “stuck” here since the pandemic hit. But the one trait everyone seems to have in common is sincere spiritual aspiration. As we take turns to share, emotions flow freely and already it’s clear the month ahead is going to be transformative.

We then dive right in, our teachers taking us through the map of Samkhya philosophy. It’s the backbone of the course, describing the whole descent of consciousness into matter, from Source to separate self and back from our separate self to Source through the practice of Yoga.

The System: Samkhya philosophy map

What Yoga?

It’s very important to emphasise that what we’re talking about here is not the modern, posture-focused and physically-oriented practice that unfortunately equates to yoga in most people’s mind. No, here we’re talking about traditional, Tantric Hatha Yoga, from the Sri Vidya Tantra lineage. So, what is Tantric Hatha Yoga? My definition: an integrated system of philosophy and practices that aim to quiet the mind (Chitta) and stimulate our life-force (Prāna) in order to reclaim and reunite with our divine nature (Purusha).

In this system, postures (Asana) are only one of many practices that build on top of each other — followed by Prānāyāma (breath), Kriya meditation (active meditation) and Mantra (sacred, numinous utterances). This comprehensive, holistic approach to Yoga is directly in line with the seminal yogic treatise written over two millenia ago, Patanjali’s Yoga Sutras, in which the Eight Limbs of Yoga, a very precise methodology to attain union, are laid out.

How lucky are we to be studying with teachers steeped in a strong lineage, transmitting undiluted Tradition to us!

As Octavio, the co-founder of the Practice, Principal Yoga Teacher and our spiritual commander-in-chief puts it so eloquently:

Tradition provides an avenue for transmission to take place. It provides a way for us to plug into the energy field of the ancients who birthed this knowledge into being. This mysterious force of energetic transference is called Kavi or ‘whispered wisdom’ which gifts modern yogis access to meditative experiences that would otherwise be in accessible in this day and age.

As science now affirms, the nature of reality is vibratory. Life is a play of energy posing as matter and as energy never dies, the field of Yoga, through the connective wire of Tradition can be harnessed. Having this kind of support backing our personal and spiritual endeavours is a gift that cannot be expressed in words, not only because English does not provide a sufficient word for it, but also because the magnitude of the gift is profound beyond the scope of everyday gratitude. Only tears can express it, seconded by an indestructible commitment to personal practice.

Octavio salvado

And what teachers. Truly world-class, all very well-versed in the philosophy and practices of yoga, yet each with their own specialty. T-shaped superheroes, if you will. Like the Avengers.

Octavio, the revolutionary sage, leading deep, exciting lectures. Kelly, the fakir, drilling correct postures with us. Ellen, the musician, teaching us Sanskrit and leading kirtan (devotional singing of mantra). Emma, the mother, educating us on Ayurveda and pre-natal yoga. And Adam, the meditator, delighting us with blissful Yoga Nidra (“enlightened sleep” – a meditation technique bringing consciousness at the edge of waking and sleeping states).

Moon, Sun, Fire

The training is structured around Moon, Sun and Fire – each representing an aspect of the yogic practice. First week, we start with Moon practices (forward folds and twists, long exhales) to calm and stabilise the mind. Then we move on to build, contain and sensitize ourselves to Prāna (life-energy also known as qi or chi) with Sun practices (backbends, laterals, bandhas and khumbaka). Finally, we bring the Moon and the Sun together in the navel center to awaken our dormant spiritual power, Kundalini Shakti (extensions, inversions, mudra, mantra).

I don’t think I’ve ever learned and experienced as much in my whole life, which makes it impossible to recount what we went through. What I can do is recommend you experience it for yourself when borders reopen! In the meantime, wherever you are in the world, you can still enroll in their comprehensive, 50 hour online training that packs a lot of their teachings and will allow you to upgrade your personal practice.

Eka Dasi

A key practice of the YTT is Eka Dasi. Which in Sanskrit means “11 days” — for how many consecutive days we spread the practice on. A powerful Prānāyāma which penetrates deeply into the layers of the subconscious mind to clear out energy blockages, it becomes progressively more intense as days go by. And here I am crying out of nowhere on my scooter, driving into town, some past trauma being worked out – which one, God knows. Breath is so powerful!

Once the 11 days are over, we close this practice by chanting 108 rounds of the Gayatri mantra, a supreme mantra praying for release from our lower tendencies. We then complete the process by visiting Tirta Empul, the most sacred water temple in Bali. There, we purify ourselves with holy waters, said to have sprung after Indra, the king of gods, threw a thunderbolt to help his troops hydrate during the war.

I am born again. And that won’t be the last time…

Learning to teach

Eventually, the time comes for our practicums, our final exams in the form of practical teaching tests. Because as much as we learned, that was still a yoga teacher training. Truth be told, I didn’t come to the training with the intention to ever teach yoga – as I shared in the opening circle, I mostly came to deepen my practice, fill the gaps in my knowledge and renew my spiritual fervour. After 7 years of daily meditation and nearly 3 years of a committed yoga practice, I felt like I was plateauing and needing to evolve to the next stage.

Of course, I also wanted to learn to serve others through teaching, but that wasn’t front of mind. Nevertheless, I play the game, and to my amazement, I really enjoy the teaching side of things. A lot of the credit goes to The Practice’s method too. Instead of waiting until the last week to start “teaching teaching”, we had our first teaching class on the first day! That goes a long way in building the skills and confidence to deliver a 30-minute class to 10 students 4 weeks later.

My practicum is a blast — I even surprise myself, discovering a teacher persona I’d never been aware of. He becomes known as “Mr Moon” for the moon-style class (calming, grounding) that he delivers from a very deep, very still place. Always interesting to see which persona pops up when each of us brings out their inner teacher!

All good things have an end, and so, faster than we’d ever thought, the YTT comes to a close. The closing ceremony will remain in my heart as one of my most emotional days ever. A sharing circle peppered with kirtan, devotionally singing mantra with all our hearts. The energy in the shala is electric, people spontaneously bursting into tears of gratitude and love, including myself. One by one, we graduate and receive our diplomas. Looks like I’m a yoga teacher now!

Throw the hats !


Looking back, this teacher training exceeded all my expectations by a large margin. What I didn’t expect, however, was to find a tribe, a family, a satsang. After a year (a Balinese year) in Bali, many highs and many lows, I finally felt home.

And so even after the training is over, it isn’t over. It probably never will. Most of us stick to Canggu and keep attending classes, meeting for brunch or going on adventures.

A fellow yogini I met on the YTT, Diana and I entertain a impassioned, amorous relationship. Sweet as a frangipani, yet deep as the ocean, she’s a true philosopher in the form of the goddess. I’m drunk on love, and it feels great. We escape to Uluwatu for the weekend, in a bamboo house. I decide to stay for longer, enjoying the proximity to nature and the sheer beauty of the Bukit.

I’ve also started my Sādhanā (in this context, meaning my committed, 40-day long daily practice of yoga), that involves Asana (mostly forward-folds, focusing on the grounding force of Apana Vayu), Prānāyāma, Kriya meditation and Mantra Japa (reciting the same mantra internally for 108 rounds or multiple thereof, using a mala, a string of prayer beads).

The Yoga of Spreadsheets

Although it usually takes anywhere from 90 to 150 minutes, making time for practice is a breeze as I feel so much better for it. I am made for the yogic path – deep inside, I always knew it, but now that conviction is unshakable.

Additionally, I decide to share that gift, giving weekly classes on Zoom to Cristian (my brother from another mother) and Aurore (his divine partner), two of the closest friends I have, now living in Lisbon. There’s really nothing like serving the people you love with your gift. From Bali to French Guiana where he recently moved, I end up teaching 3-part yogic breath and Savittri Prānāyāma to my dad — teaching how to breathe to the man how taught me how to walk.

Besides, I realise I’m also driven to bring yoga to the people who need it most — marginalised communities and destitute individuals. Because when it comes to access to these vital spiritual teachings, truth is, there is privilege. Unfortunately, the yoga world is no shining example of diversity (whether of age, gender, skin colour, or body ability) and if our goal is to help as many people awaken, we can’t just ignore this and look the other way. We must acknowledge this reality and work harder to bring yoga to the people who might not naturally come to it, because they are feeling “othered” or simply can’t afford it.

In the seeker’s paradise that is Bali, it feels like the spiritual community sometimes gets lost in its own La La Land, forgetting that we’re here to wake each other up. It’s not about you, it’s not about me — it’s about us. So I make it my sankalpa (my firm resolve and vow) to give free community yoga classes in the months to come.

“If you’re not making the world materially better, if you’re not serving harder done by folks than you then instagram photos of your hashtag #blessedlife you know you can just fuck off with them because that’s never been the point”

Jamie Wheal

Being in the Bukit, I also venture out for a few surf sessions, scoring some of my best rides in Dreamland. I surf the barrel-machine wave of Bingin, but being too greedy to paddle in before low-tide, I end up leaving some skin (and a little flesh) on the reef. Classic.

Plant medicine

To be honest, my mind is not so much on the surf. In addition to my committed yoga practice, I’m also due to attend a 2-day Ayahuasca ceremony. The internal journey to Self must go on!

For those reading this not familiar with the topic, Ayahuasca is a plant medicine used by Amazonian peoples for over a thousand years. Containing DMT (dimethyltryptamine) also known as the “Spirit molecule” (check out this amazing documentary) Ayahuasca has been traditionally used to heal the psyche and open the door to the underlying spiritual reality.

It is my first and I feel ready. People say Ayahuasca finds you when you’re ready and that’s just what it did. After my last class at the Practice, a mate casually tells me: “I was supposed to attend this ceremony, but I can’t go anymore. Wanna take the free spot?”. Just when it had also come into my field from people mentioning it in various conversations over the previous days. If there’s something I learned this year, is that life is always speaking to us if we can listen to its subtle messages.

And the signs were right. The journey over the next 2 nights is blissful beyond measure. Desiring to protect the identity of participants and guides, I will not disclose all.

But this ceremony is truly special and I doubt it could have happened anywhere else than in Bali. Our guides are, once again, superheroes in their own right, each of them larger than life — what is it with this island?

Great care is given to honouring the island, through Balinese offerings and blessing rituals. Moreover, in addition to the powerful icaros sung by the Shipibo lineage holders, we are blessed with Vedic mantra chanted by a local Balinese priest (most of which I’d learned during the yoga teacher training!).

It’s the perfect marriage of Heaven and Hell, of the shamanic and the spiritual, of Matter and Consciousness, of Prakriti and Purusha. This polarity enables me to spiritualise the experience and reach states of consciousness I’d never dreamed of. I understand that from the depth of the Amazonian jungle to the high peaks of the Himalayas, explorers of human consciousness since times immemorial have found different doors to the same underlying reality – ॐ.

After the first cup has settled, I feel I need more. I cautiously approach our guide and ask whether it’s appropriate, not wanting to overdo it on the first night.

“It’s good for you” he says with a knowing grin, as he hands me another cup.

Waking up

I completely lose my sense of separate self, my ego trying to reassemble itself but there’s nowhere to grasp, nothing to hold onto. My consciousness is rising and falling with the breath of the group around me. I am everything and everything is me. Words can’t grasp what I felt – the feeling escapes as soon as the mind tries to conceptualise it, like a slick fish slipping through the hands of its catcher.

I believed we were all One – now I know it. I believed we were creators of our own reality — now I know it. I believed in the intelligence of life – Prāna – now I surrender to it. I believed everything was waves and vibrations – now I feel it.

All that happens is waves rising and falling, neither inauspicious nor meaningful.

Adi Shankara

By God’s grace, I don’t purge even once — Ayahuasca is famous for the emotionally cleansing mega-hurls it can induce. Maybe due to the strict adherence to the dieta (involving eating nothing but bland oatmeal for a few days) as well as my rigorous yogic practices. As one of our guides later confides: “Plant spirits really appreciate discipline. And devotion. As discipline without devotion is control.”

Instead, my body dances to the music, contorting itself into advanced mudra which I’d never learned. I am channeling something, someone.

After the ceremony closes, I’m still there gleeing and giggling like a newborn, in foetal position. Being fed watermelon by one of our guides who plays with me like I’m a toddler. Light rushes all over me as my companions shower me with love. I am reborn once again and I feel held by life.

As people leave, I decide to remain in the maloka. It’s just me and one of our guides, bonding, conversing and singing mantra until sunrise. More specifically, singing the Maha Mritunjaya mantra for hours. Story goes that it was bestowed by Shiva upon humanity to help conquer our fear of death. So we can truly start living. As I keep chanting it, I feel overwhelmed with devotion and I dissolve further into union. Man, Bhakti makes Samadhi so much sweeter.

What a journey.

Spiritual rubber

As I integrate over the next few days, I feel different. Life feels different. The sense of separation between myself and the world around me has been irreversibly dented. There is a release of my instinctive need to grasp, clench, contract and control. Replaced by a soft surrender, a sweet ease and a loving trust in the flow of life. It’s like everything is glowing around me – but nothing has changed, apart from my vision. Funnily enough, even part my drive has disappeared — plans I’d made earlier don’t seem that interesting anymore. My practice only becomes sweeter in the aftermath of the ceremony. It helps me drop back into and stabilize glimpses of non-dual awareness.

I could stay there for months, years even, but eventually I feel it’s time for me to leave my cocoon.

One of the dangers of awakening— is that one can start to divorce oneself from the grittiness of life and the grittiness of relationship. In relationship, you have to have a willingness to not stay hidden away in a transcendent state. You have to come out of it, as it were, and deal with people and situations.

When we awaken, we are no longer fueling the trance of separation; we are no longer pumping energy into it. But even if you never put your foot back on the accelerator, the car still has momentum — karmic momentum. It doesn’t immediately come to a stop in most cases. It has a diminishing momentum that slows down over time. That said, we can also add energy to the existing momentum. We have to watch and discover when it is that we hop back in and put our foot back on the accelerator. Every time we reidentify with conditioning or karma, every time we believe a thought, we are putting energy back into the dream state, putting our foot back on that accelerator.

So the process after awakening involves learning how to keep your foot off the gas and recognizing what puts your foot back on. Even though it’s not personal—even though reidentification is totally spontaneous and it’s not happening to anybody and it’s not anybody’s fault—we still need to investigate how it happens. In this, life itself is your greatest ally. As I’ve said, life is where the spiritual rubber hits the road. Life will show us where we are not clear. Being in relationship with life and others shows us clearly where we can still get hung up. If we have true sincerity, we are not going to try to hide in the memory of an awakened state; we are not going to hide in the realization of the absolute. We are going to come out of hiding. We are not going to grab on to anything.


And so, it’s time for the spiritual rubber to hit the road. And adventure East – to the islands of Lombok, Sumbawa, Flores, to infinity and beyond!

Packing essentials only

Before I go though, I need to kiss Bali goodbye. And so Diana and I venture to Sebatu water temple, deep in the heart of Bali, for a last blessing. The temple is tucked in a ridge, over 30 meters below the road, surrounded by lush jungle and giant bamboos. After climbing down the mossy steps, we realise it’s only us here. We deposit meticulously crafted offerings in front of the temple and cleanse ourselves in the holy springs. Elusive sun rays are making the spray of waterfalls sparkle around us. I feel the motherly embrace of the island.

Bali, you broke me down, ripped off who I thought I was and built me up again into a better man. Matur suksma Mama Bali, Mama Kali. I’ll be back soon, I promise.

Not all those who wander are lost

It’s 4:00 am. We are climbing up a narrow, gravelly path. The alpine scenery of lush forest replete with pines and ferns has now fully transitioned into a barren, rocky trail up the volcano. We are like a fellowship of Hobbits making their way through Mordor. The pale light from the full moon bathes our path as we scramble on all fours through 45° inclines, fighting our way to the top. Every hour or so, we stop to rest, stretch and fuel up with energy bars.

The perfect silence from 2500 meters up is staggering. So is the view of the moonlit island, as far as the southern Bukit peninsula, from the spiritual center of Bali.

That night, Laurent and I are making the ascent of the frighteningly vertical face of Mount Agung, Bali’s highest peak and most active volcano. Agung is revered as the island’s holiest mountain, a replica of the mythical Mount Meru and the dwelling of Mahadewa, the supreme manifestation of Lord Shiva. On the way up, our guide Gede stops to pray at the few Hindu shrines that dot the way to the summit – we’ll need it.

I feel a potent mixture of excitement and fear, from the risk of hiking up an active, Alert Level 3 volcano, which last erupted only a year ago. The government says we’re not not supposed to be there. But Gede has been running hikes up the summit again for the last month. Daily seismographic data checks and constant connection to a local alerting center make it a calculated risk.

Although we know we shouldn’t, we can’t stop ourselves and ask Gede, our guide:

– “How much longer to the top?”

– “45 minutes”

30 minutes later…

– “How much longer to the top?”

– “45 minutes”

– “Didn’t you just say 45 minutes 30 minutes earlier?”

We reach the summit shortly before sunrise. We’re exhausted – a 2000 meters elevation gain in 6 hours, on nearly no sleep, is no joke. The wind is chilling and my makeshift mountaineering attire (I layered two t-shirts, a surf lycra and a wafer-thin sailing Patagonia jacket) don’t help much. I hadn’t planned to be anywhere near frosty this year.

But we made it. We’re standing on top of the sleeping dragon. We feel it breathe, as smoke comes out of the crater. A deep sense of awe fills me as I realise – the Earth is alive! And I am small as a pimple.

The Hobbit

The sun rises on the horizon, clouds beneath us, revealing a 360° panorama of Bali and the neighbouring islands, as far as Lombok. We are on top of the world.

Time to come down, literally and figuratively . Going up wasn’t even half the battle, as I was to painfully learn. On the steep way down, my hips get stiffer and my knees wobblier by the minute, cushioning the impact from sliding on rubble or gravel.

I fall a few times. My legs turn into jelly and I fear they will collapse any time – or worse, I’ll trip up and tear something. Is that what old age feels like?

After only one hour, I am shattered, and despair takes over as I realise how much further we have to go. So I force myself to only think about the next step. One more step.

Eventually, it takes us a full 8 hours to go down. We reach the departure point 15 hours after we left and I fall to the ground, dead beat. And fulfilled.

Gotta keep on movin’

2 weeks earlier, I had left Medewi, after spending a whole 3 months there. It was still possible to surf in this area when most of the island’s beaches were closed because of COVID-19 lockdown, so I had made my nest there.

I met incredible humans in this village, made a Balinese family, had the surf of my life and lived my beach bum dream in my little wooden cabin overlooking the ocean.

But while I enjoyed it for a while, the nest was getting stale. Our little international lockdown beach community turned sour — too much mindless partying, same superficial conversations, spiteful gossip, people falling out, etc. My lower self was thriving though and “The Toine” went to town a few times: intoxicated, reckless, loud, obnoxious. Feeling like I was losing boundaries (one of my self-defeating patterns when living in community), I started retreating within and avoiding people I had been hanging out with just a few weeks earlier. Besides, things were opening up throughout the island as lockdown was slowly ending.

Time to move on and explore.

So I buy a scooter from my friend (and local family) Papa Ugis for a mere 8.5 million IDR (~£500). After 4 months on the island, I had already spent half that money on renting one. Got the papers and all. It’s the first vehicle I’ve ever owned – a true millenial.

My scooter loaded like a mule, I drive to Uluwatu, in the Bukit peninsula, to meet my friend Laurent who had rented a villa with friends for the weekend.

The Bukit

Although I’d been in Bali for over 4 months, due to the lockdown that was now just ending, I hadn’t spent any time in the Bukit yet. A shame as it’s by far the most picturesque area of the island.

Ebony white, chalky cliffs (covered with verdurous, green meadows) dropping dramatically into golden sand and cerulean waters. A medley of scenery. It’s as if the Seven Sisters had decided to relocate to the tropics.

With Laurent, we make plans for an epic road trip throughout the island. With the advent of “The New Normal” — not an indie rock band, but an attempt by the government and travel operators to resume tourism with heightened COVID health and safety measures — it was the perfect time to see it all without the crowds.

Before leaving the Bukit peninsula, however, I have to surf. Not only is it the most stunning region of Bali, it’s also home to its best waves. The world-famous breaks of Uluwatu, Padang Padang and Bingin are all on a small stretch of the peninsula, at the tip of the island. The southern hemisphere’s winter (your summer, probably) groundswells, coming all the way from Australia, wrap just perfectly around this headland, transforming it in a true wave machine.

Oh and the breaks are rather deserted too. Conversation starters in the lineup often include how lucky are we to surf these waves with only 5-20 surfers, not your usual 100+ zoo. Apparently, it’s not been that way for at least 20 years and probably won’t be that way ever again. A once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. Surfers are selfish animals — we want to keep the fun all to ourselves so we really don’t like it when it’s crowded.

I surf Balangan, a secluded little beach that’s avoided the massive hotel developments mushrooming around the peninsula, keeping its laid-back, “hang at the warung” vibe. My first day there was scary, with some double overhead sets. For half an hour, I observe and nearly turn away. Glad I didn’t, as I catch a few of these impossibly fast peeling left-handers, in between paddling out some monster sets. That’s Balangan for you: speedy waves, sometimes barrelling, often closing out, where keeping a highline is a must. It can really be frustrating too, where hours can go on without catching anything good. But if you make it, you’re in for a ride.

I surf Dreamland, one of the only right-handers in the Bukit. Quenching my thirst for frontside (I’m regular footed), wave after wave, I carve hard against its walls at sunset. Standing in the folding enveloppe of green-turning-pink water at dusk, I was a part of nature’s glorious painting.

Best of all, I surf the legendary Uluwatu. I mostly go there with Dan, a lovely American fellow and all-around good egg I had met in Medewi. As I write this, we’re on a surf trip together, along with Anais and Virginie, two fabulous French ladies we’d also met there. Lucky to call this bunch my friends.

Beyond the wave, surfing Uluwatu is an unforgettable experience. Walking 50 meters of stairs down the cliff into a spectacular cave, ducking through holes to make it to a secret beach, paddling out in crystal-clear water, surfing just beneath the bluff… fills you with wonder. And then of course, the wave, this perfect-left hander spitting machine, barrelling on cue. Although I initially find it challenging — this fast, hollow wave on my backside — after coming back time and time again, I start flowing with it and it graces me with some of the best rides in my life.

After all this stoke, it was time go explore the island.

The road trip. 400 kms on my loyal scooter.


I drive east to Sidemen, a bucolic backcountry village tucked in valleys layered with rice terraces. It’s so quiet you can hear rice stalks being cut by farmers over 50m away.

A time to relax and do nothing (quite the achievement for me) in a beautiful little hotel with a view. My 3 days there are spent reading, taking walks, playing kites with some village kids.

And having long lunches and engrossing conversations with Bob and Aleja, a couple that is staying there too.

Bob is The Most Interesting Man in the World. An intrepid adventurer, he has sailed from California to Indonesia on his own sailboat for 3 years through Polynesia and circumnavigated the whole of South America in a camper van — twice. His stories remind me of some of the travel writing greats like Paul Theroux: curious, observant and witty.

“The number one rule of sailing is to always ground your tackle”, he imparts after I share some of our anchoring disasters in Thailand with Rob, our vessel nearly lost to sea. I try to suck in all the knowledge from this wise one. And I realise I hadn’t met such traveller on my journey yet. I wonder if, in the age of Instagram and digital nomads, this brand of explorers might just go extinct.


Well rested and fed, I leave for Amed, a quaint fishing village in the north east.

No waves there, but plenty of divers. French people too – I even spotted baguettes being sold in your usual convenience store, very telling.

Bali is a weird place that way. Tribes and subcultures cluster in the same cities with staggering intensity. Just like the Factions in the Divergent series, you’ve got:

  • Spiritual in Ubud
  • Hipster in Canggu
  • Surfer in Uluwatu
  • Diver in Amed

Geographical echo chambers, with their own culture and set of values, these tribes don’t tend to mix much. You’ll know when you see a Canggu person in Ubud – a friend once pointed at one.
But what if you belong to several of these subcultures at the same time? What if you have a layered identity, a multidimensional personality? What if you are Divergent? Well, that’s how I feel in Bali. Not identifying with a single cookie-cutter community, but wanting to mix ‘em all.

In the spirit of the Factions, I had come to Amed for…surprise, a diving course! More specifically a freediving course at Apneista.

I am in for a treat. I get one-on-one, VIP treatment, being the only student on the course and learn so much about breath, human anatomy, mindfulness, the physics of gases… The biggest learning though is that the urge to gasp for air when breath holding is actually…well, not to gasp for air. It’s to release excess CO2. My body does not lack oxygen, as they prove to me by strapping a blood oxymeter on my finger, displaying I still have north of 95% oxygen left in my blood when I can’t hold it anymore. Mind-boggling. A lot of the freediving training, then, is not about absorbing more oxygen, it’s about building a higher CO2 tolerance through various mind and body techniques I won’t go into here. Fascinating stuff.

The dive itself is a truly meditative practice, climbing down a rope, deep in the big blue. No sound, no light, it’s all about keeping the mind still to go deeper. The meditative balance of the descent is easily lost though, from improper equalisation or fears popping up. Eventually, I dive down to 15 meters.

The Big Blue

From the depth of the sea, I then go to climb the summit of the island — where this story started.

Needless to say, Laurent and I are broken for several days after this hike. We head back to Sidemen for 2 days of TLC, nursing our sore legs, hardly able to make it down any flight of stairs.


Feeling a little better, we head to Lovina, a sleepy beach town up north. The drive there, 100kms on our scooter, is mesmerising as we drive through all sceneries and climates: misty jungles to icy pouring mountains until the sunny seaside. There’s really not much to do in Lovina, especially since tourism has virtually disappeared with the pandemic. The desolate restaurants and bars of the tourist strips, their staff waiting for Godot, makes the whole thing eerie, if not depressing. Nature, however, doesn’t care and so we go snorkel and dance with schools fish in the reef, catch a few with our fishing rods and watch dolphins backflip at sunrise.

West Bali

Finally we journey to the last destination of our road trip, the Wild Wild West – Bali West National Park. There, Jennifer, Laurent’s adorable friend, joins us and we become a trio.

We land in the most lavish villa I’ve ever stayed in, Corona prices making it a no-brainer. From its open living room, we revel in the majestic views of the jungle, of the ocean, and across the straight, of the Javanese volcanoes in which the sun sets without fault every single day. We dance to the sunset, each in front of their own window, social distancing of course.

We make the most of this palace, lounging, eating, philosophising, empathising and ideating. I am fulfilled by the deep, meaningful connection I have with those two. We even start a t-shirt business from my iPad (“the laziest business ever”), taking the piss out of the spiritual crowd

With the New Normal, we thought the National Park would be open. But it isn’t.

No big deal though, as we find ways to make the most of the untouched, pristine nature of the region by snorkelling in Menjangan, the best dive in Bali. Our captain, Konang — a Balinese version of Jimmy Chow with a past predilection for crystal meth we learn — takes us on a fishermen’s boat across choppy seas to reach the empty shores of the island. There we swim through the lively reef and its vivacious society of fluo citizens, so vivid they seem to come straight out of a flashy 80s commercial. The outline of a shark, a few meters below the vertical reef, scares the shit out of some of us and I am hypnotised watching a moray waiting for prey, hiding most of its body in rock and waving with the current.

Time to wrap our trip. We head back to Ubud.

Stray dog

On the way, I have an accident. Not paying attention to the car that’s braking in front of me, I brake late and hard on the wet, slippery road. Next thing I know, I’m on the ground, stunned — and scared. Luckily, my friends take good care of me and I make it out with only road rash. “Bali tattoo” they call it. I know now why locals wear trousers and jackets when driving long-distance.

Sadly, this is just the latest in a string of injuries over the past 2 months (which counted a sprained ankle, a foot infection and many, many scraps). Like a zealous landscaper, I’ve been tending carefully to this garden of wounds. Antiseptic rub, antibacterial ointment, gauze, straps and Chinese tinctures have become part of my daily toolbox. A crash course in first aid.

But at a deeper level, I see those physical traumas as a manifestation of my spiritual imbalance. I had been neglecting my practices, relaxing too much and losing my connection with Spirit, my connection with myself. With my Self. I had strayed far from the path.

The message was only getting louder and clearer — if I keep going, I’ll seriously harm myself or worse. Mama Bali, as they call her, likes to make herself heard. And will bitchslap you if you don’t listen.

So I listened. I reconnected with my practice, with my values, with myself. With my Self. Things have shifted dramatically since. I’m also much clearer on the balance I want to strike between relaxing into my environment and keeping strong boundaries while I travel, a tension I’d previously described here.

As I write this post, I’m relaxing in the laid-back neighbouring island of Lembongan.

And taking a break from Bali (holidayception) before starting a 200-hour Yoga Teacher Training that has been calling me in all the ways it could. I’d been considering it deeply, wanting to take my practice to the next level, but then my mind found a thousand reasons not to go. Still, the calling was there, brewing in the background. Until, on the day I had that accident, the day before applications for the training closed, we stopped at a roadside cafe lost in the middle of the island and I bumped into someone I knew. Less than a minute in the conversation, she said she was going to do a yoga teacher training and I knew immediately which one it was. “Fine” I thought “Surrender to the flow of life and just do it”.

Sometimes, you have to forget a little to remember who you are.

All that is gold does not glitter; Not all who wander are lost. The old that is strong does not wither. Deep roots are not reached by the frost.

J.R.R Tolkien


2020 is the worst year for a travelling sabbatical. 2020 is the best year for a travelling sabbatical. Which of the above propositions is true?


My plans to travel far and wide across the Pacific have been thwarted. My journey surely won’t make it “round-the-world”. Uncertainty is my constant companion – let’s not even mention visas.

Yet, while my friends and relatives around the world are confined in tiny flats trying not to go insane, I’m blessed in Bali. Where even now I can roam freely. Confined on my island, barred from globetrotting due to coronavirus, I can still travel locally. Overstaying my initial plans by several months, I have been trading breadth of experience for depth instead.

Grey areas

It’s been interesting observing the local response to the virus. Indonesia, a spread-out archipelago comprising a myriad cultures, is a deeply decentralised polity. While the central Indonesian government has been issuing policies and edicts to contain the spread of COVID-19, many rules and most of their enforcement in Bali come from the banjar, the smallest form of local government, a largely independent village council system. So rules vary widely from a village to the next – as do their logical consistency. Many times, the local pecalang (the banjar’s police) at the entrance of a village would spray my scooter wheels using a karcher full of some dubious disinfectant. As if it would somehow prevent me from spreading the virus.

And grey areas are plenty… the beachbreak I was previously surfing in Sumbul got reopened for its residents. While neighbouring Medewi Point wasn’t. At least, not for bules (foreigners) — Indonesians could still surf. Go figure. Apparently, just now, the banjar of Medewi, against the advice of the government, has decided to reopen its surf spot, applying social distancing rules (no hanging out on the beach, surf in, surf out) and taking full responsibility for any incidents. Making the most of these local loopholes, while still staying in Medewi, I was able to sneak in Sumbul for some more surf.

Everywhere in Bali, I never got tired of seeing locals put on their masks whenever they’d see a foreigner. Or asking me “Where are you from?” and their scared look whenever I’d answer “France”. All that said, there have been surprisingly few cases reported in Bali (407 at the time of writing) and so the general attitude is pretty lax, compared to other countries, or even other islands in Indonesia (>10,000 cases in neighbouring Java).

No, where Bali is being hit hard is economically. Tourism accounts for 60%-80% of GDP and so many families have lost their entire means of subsistence. Which is why a friend has set up a fundraiser to help Medewi’s community and buy basic supplies (rice, soap, oil, etc). Every little helps and even $10 feeds a family for a month, so any donation you make would go a long way! Donate here:

About a month ago, Ramadan kicked off. A month of fasting for Muslims around the world, to purify and feel closer to God. A dry fast, from sunrise to sunset, most locals weren’t surfing anymore (no water in the ears, nose or mouths), which meant plenty of waves for us tourists. A fortunate consequence. A less fortunate consequence, for my sleep at least, was the amping up of mosque prayers, blasting chants anytime in the night. I begged for earplugs. I also took on reading the Quran, because when else in my life would I?

Hungry for some better surf, I sneaked into a neighbouring break another morning. Pulukan, a scenic beach lined up with palm trees and nested near a typical fishermen village, replete with outrigger canoes.

Paddling out, I could see locals eyeing me out, wondering who I was and what I was doing here. “Shit, they’ll kick me out of the water when they figure out my brown skin isn’t from here” I thought. Luckily, one of the boys, Krishna, had been my surf guide back in Canggu! As soon as we talked, the others relaxed, and the only other foreigner, an older Australian expat literally asked me: “How much did you pay him?”. I hadn’t thought of bribing locals to surf, but thanks for the suggestion. In this typical, entitled manner of Bali foreigners who act even more protectively than actual locals towards their surfing spot, he even made me promise not to bring my friends over. “Fine” I said “I don’t really have friends here anyway.”. Which was true, as I was very much a loner back then.

I had a free pass to surf in Pulukan – or so I thought. When I came back the next morning, I got politely called out of the water by guys patrolling the beach. With Ramadan in full swing, the local boys wouldn’t be surfing here for a while and so I wouldn’t either.

Paradise bored

I wasn’t complaining. I could still surf Sumbul, learn massage from Papa Ugis (or Haji Ugis for the faithful, since he’s done the pilgrimage to the Mecca), forage coconuts in my backyard and engross myself in books.

Yet, even paradise gets boring. Tim Ferris puts it well:

Let’s suppose you decide to dip your toe in dreams like relocating to the Caribbean for island-hopping or taking a safari in the Serengeti. It will be wonderful and unforgettable, and you should do it. There will come a time, however—be it three weeks or three months later—when you won’t be able to drink another piña colada or photograph another red-assed baboon. That day will come. Self-criticism and existential panic attacks usually start around this time. But this is what I always wanted! How can I be bored? Oh my god, what am I gonna do with myself? Don’t freak out and fuel the fire. This is normal among all high-performers who downshift after working hard for a long time. The smarter and more goal-oriented you are, the tougher these growing pains will be. Don’t be afraid of the existential or social challenges.

Freedom is like a new sport. In the beginning, the sheer newness of it is exciting enough to keep things interesting at all times. Once you have learned the basics, though, it becomes clear that having less work is easy. It’s filling the void with more life that is hard. Finding excitement, as it turns out, takes more thought than simple workaholism. But don’t fret. That’s where all the rewards are.

Tim Ferris

Though I’d been loving my time in Medewi, after a month of relative isolation, I felt like exploring again. I was also missing deep connection and friendship. I was grounded, centred, happy – just in a happy rut.

[…] he had been in a state of heightened awareness, but there is a sense in which awareness can be as stagnating as sloth. His stay at the lamasery had become a rut, a tranquil, nourishing, educational rut that had done him little harm and much good, but a rut, nonetheless.

Jitterbug Perfume

Time to mix it up!

So I decided to drive back to Ubud and stay with my friend Laurent for some quality time. On my scooter, with my rucksack between my legs, my surfboard on the rack and my daypack on my back, here I was, free again, self-sufficient, carrying my home wherever I went.

Driving through half of Bali, I painted a vivid picture of the island, its various landscapes from sprouting rice field terraces, to towering mountains, dense jungles and dusty towns. I knew it more and more, this island. It was becoming home.

Ubud was a ghost town, far from the bustling touristic hub it usually is. Most shops and cafés were closed, traffic was non-existent and the silence, eerie. Signs everywhere requiring people to wear masks. Pecalang spraying my scooter.

Arriving at Laurent’s, I immediately felt home again. Still buzzing from my roadside coffee, we dived straight into discussing his new venture and the business plan he was putting together. As I mentioned in a previous post, Laurent has created one of most popular sound-healing experiences in Ubud, Beyond Sound at the Pyramids of Chi, where tens of thousands visitors getting their mind (and spirit) blown every year. He’s currently productizing it to bring this legal, safe and accessible psychedelic experience to people all over the world. I loved getting my startup juices flowing again, especially to help a friend.

Coincidentally, in the past couple of months, consulting gigs or advisory roles have been coming to me. I initially believed I’d be better off without thinking about product or startups at all during this sabbatical of mine. But I’ve come to realise I’m actually enjoying flexing those muscles a little and helping solve people’s problems. And so I’ve taken on a few projects, from advising product teams at Polymath Ventures to coaching 29K’s product leader to helping a stealth startup hire their Chief Product Officer. It’s fun and I’m going to do more of this. And who knows, maybe rock the “digital nomad” life for a little while.

Although I had my Balinese family back in Medewi, we couldn’t relate in the same way I would a decade-old friend. Discussing business, love, God, I felt closer to him than I ever had and we both learned a ton from each other. Deep friendship – no, brotherhood- really is nourishing.

Although most of Ubud’s touristic activities were closed, its expat community was going strong. People hung out at each other’s exquisite villas and a few landmark spots of the town’s iconic café culture were open, with restrictions. So we got to brunch and hang out at all the usual spots (Zest, Sayuri, Bella), conversing with friends over the best plant-based food in the world. One topic that kept coming up, unsurprisingly, was coronavirus. What was surprising however, was the stance that even smart, educated people took on it . Conspiracy, Bill Gates, vaccines, 5G, lalala-dida. Should have seen it coming — Ubud is known for being a New-Agey town, spiritual hub of the world where everyone is a coach, a healer, a yoga teacher or all those things at once. And it so happens that spirituality and conspiracy theory make fantastic bedfellows (see this fantastic JP Sears’ treatment of the topic).

I personally do feel the existence of a spirit that transcends our materialistic reductionist worldview, yet believing in conspiracy theories just because they are plausible (what isn’t?) is beyond me. Those conversations were frustrating – it is impossible to debate a conspiracy theory because by definition the very facts you debate will be labeled as “fabricated“. Maybe they are, maybe they aren’t. Even so conspiracists often become as entrenched in their belief in a single truth as the authoritative institutions they denounce. ”Ignoramus” is my motto – “We do not know”.

If you ever get into this kind of argument and aren’t touchy about reaching the Godwin point, ask the other person to consider whether the conspiracy itself might be a conspiracy to manipulate them. If anything, history is a good teacher…anyone remember The Protocols of the Elders of Zion, used by the National Socialist Party to promote hatred of Jews? This shit can be dangerous.

Here I was an outsider again, questioning the beliefs of the group. Whether in ultra-materialistic Canggu or ultra-spiritual Ubud. In some sense, this is the story of my life, being the one who doesn’t really fit in. It started with my skin colour, not really white, not really black, and it’s followed me all along. I used to see this as a curse, now I see this as a blessing. Not belonging anywhere means I can belong everywhere.

We bonded over this with Jeya, a kind, beautiful soul met on Tinder, of all places. I had a deep need for romance and intimacy, so I hit the App Store and got a match. Dating these days. The flirt turned into friendship and we shared some hilarious times together. Once we drove to Komune, the beach resort just in front to Keramas, a much vaunted surf spot on the east coast.

While Keramas was closed for surfing, I remembered Cucukan was just around the corner. Cucukan was a powerful, snappy wave in sky blue water… where I had cut my foot open over a month ago on the sharp reef bottom (4 stitches). It is secluded in a small fishing village, far from traffic and governmental oversight. “Maybe it’s still open” I thought. We rode there and it was! I jumped out of excitement, especially because I had taken my board with me to Ubud. As I had dreamed a couple months ago, I could get the best of both worlds: live in Ubud and go surf on the east coast.

I surfed there for a few days, this time with reef booties, which definitely saved my feet from further injuries. The surfing level there was insane though, so it was hard to compete for the waves, and the easterly trade winds of the dry season meant it was all blown out after 10am.

Beach bum

Life in Ubud was good, yet I longed for the wet kiss of the ocean. I realised I’d be better back on my beach break at Sumbul if I wanted to surf all day and improve. Also, before I left Medewi, I’d gone to scout a few properties in Sumbul to see if I could stay closer to the break. Yudah, a local, had shown me this stunning wooden cabin in the rice fields, on a small hill overlooking the ocean. I was dreaming about it.

So I did what I do and packed my bags, my surfboard and hopped on my scooter back to Sumbul. Great decision. As soon as I returned to Sumbul and went for a sunset surf, while waiting for waves at the peak, I was greeted by the most magnificent rainbow ever, I could see both its ends, one starting in the mountain, the other ending in the ocean. The sky was burning with orange flames while I was riding on some heavy, hollow waves and coming back to shore with the last lights, I knew I was home.

My cabin is the stuff of dreams. A wooden house inspired by the traditional Balinese rice barns and their hull-shaped roof. It is accessible by a narrow path that winds through dense rice paddies, which have recently turned from a humid green to a toasty yellow. Time for harvest.

Some still do it by hand, others bring a massive machine which they feed the rice stalks to. These fields, besides rice plants, host some local fauna too: lizards, cows, cats… and snakes. I’ve seen a couple on the paths. Walking back at night I always shine my flashlight and pound my feet on the ground while walking (to scare them away with vibrations). But the most terrifying one I’d seen was in my kitchen, while writing in my journal. Raising my head for a second, I saw something slide underneath the table: a meter long black-and-white banded krait, a venomous and potentially deadly snake. I froze for a minute, while it slithered languidly under the house.

I stay in the upper room, where I can see the waves breaking from my bed. No need to check the forecast anymore! High Tide is the name of the place and the owner, Eddie, has built it as a hostel. The lower floor is a dorm with 4 beds, but the private upper floor which I occupy is where he usually stays, with his German girlfriend that he’d built it for. With coronavirus, she’s gone back to Germany and so he’s also renting their place. My space is clean, minimalist, even a little hip with its herbal tea jars, white-painted wood and open air bathroom. I added a hammock on the porch, to chill when I’m done surfing, read and watch the waves.

On the way back from Ubud, I also bought a guitar in a small village I was driving by. It’s written “Yamaha” on it, but given the sound and the price I paid for it (40 bucks), I have my doubts. Still good enough to learn new songs to play and sing. Thereby completing the holy trinity of any aspiring beach bum: surf, hammock and guitar. I’m such a cliché.

Although just a couple kilometers away from my previous homestay, my experience in Sumbul couldn’t have been more different. While my time in Medewi was mostly solitary, spent reading or geeking out when not surfing, Sumbul is all about community. Many people from all over the world and walks of life are also stuck here, bonding over surfing and mischief. A Dutch systems analyst, a Swiss teacher, a Canadian lumberjack, an American marketer, a French engineer, travelling Germans are just some of the people who make the colourful Sumbul crowd.

The former, Ingmar, a great guy, grounded and inclusive, has been organising regular Friday dinners at the local beachside warung which have become a regular fixture, often ending in arak-fuelled beach parties, skinny-dipping included. I was even surprised with a birthday party and gift, when a few days earlier, all I had expected was a solitary evening. I felt loved, warm and fuzzy from that community feeling. When staying in Medewi, I’d been wondering why such community hadn’t formed already while we’re all stuck here. But it had been there all along, I just hadn’t seen it.

Although I hadn’t moved island or country, it felt like a new chapter. Travel can be found anywhere, I learned, if one can see, instead of looking.

People say you have to travel to see the world. Sometimes I think that if you just stay in one place and keep your eyes open, you’re going to see just about all that you can handle.

Paul auster

Surf beach communities often feel like high school. You see the same people in class (surfing), during recess (at the beach bar) and parties (parties). Gossip is plenty and people are promiscuous (social distancing rules need not apply). There I met a girl, Rebekah, a wandering Canadian medium and Instagramer (that should have been a red flag). We had a fling, until I realised that while the body and spirit connection was there, the mind one wasn’t. She once told me that she’d also bought the Quran, asking whether it was that “Israelian book (sic)” and that she was looking for a partner to “pay for things and produce the show of which [she] will be the star”.

Living so close to the waves, I focused single-mindedly on surfing. Getting back to my dawn patrol rhythm, waking up at 5am, in the water at 6am, surfing, eating, surfing, sleeping. I surfed my brains out, all day, every day.

We even started the Corona Surf Camp, the first free surf camp in the world, the idea being to help each other progress by shooting videos and giving each other feedback, often the biggest value you get from a surf camp. It didn’t really take on (coordinating beach bums is an ordeal, surprisingly), but that was worth a try.

Starting to feel limited by my surfboard (a 6’2 step-up board), it was time to move on to a high-performance board. So I bought a second-hand 5’11 Pyzel from Ben, a drinker with a surfing problem.

Living in Medewi for a few years, Ben is your typically loud and unruly Kiwi, often drunk before noon, and swearing faster than you can count (cunt!). While I’d initially branded him as a harmless drunk, I realised he could be quite dangerous when he headbutted me at a party after I’d played a prank on him (and punched another guy earlier for the same reason). Apparently he gets violent when he drinks liquor. We haven’t seen him since. His board is great though and I’ve been making terrific progress on it. So, thanks Ben.

Once, at a party, a girl staying at a local surf camp told us she’d been sneaking in for sunrise surf at the Right Hander, next to Medewi. From 6am to 8am, just before the pecalang would come patrol. This beach was supposed to be closed (unlike Sumbul) but many surfers throughout Bali are also sneaking in at first light, as it seems the pecalang like to sleep in. Or you can also pay a fisherman to take you straight to a spot, like we did one morning, after driving 2 hours from Medewi to Seseh at 5am, sailing another hour to Uluwatu, to be dropped into the lineup.

The Right Hander being one of my favourite waves and local rules being as shady as they are, I decided to give it a try. I sneaked in at first light and surfed with locals until 8am, ripping one tight wave face after the next. Then, right on time, the pecalang came and whistled us out. I was expecting a scolding, maybe even my board confiscated, but no! They didn’t even talk to us. Weird, I thought. Maybe there’s some kind of tacit understanding that it’s OK to surf until 8am?

Wanting to test this theory, I came back the following days and the same thing happened. We paddled out at first light, surfed for a couple hours, were waived at, got out of the water. Fascinating. Yesterday, the pecalang didn’t even bother coming so we surfed until we couldn’t paddle anymore. A local later told me it was now open.

Still no one knows for sure — “ignoramus”. In the last couple of months, the rumour mill has been grinding heavily, opaque local decisions and rules making it harder to discern truth from hear-say. This feels like pre-internet days. But it seems beaches are slowly reopening across Bali and soon, maybe, I’ll be able to travel to other islands. Get back on the road, to the pristine (and now empty) breaks of Lombok and Sumbawa. Who knows?

Until then, I’ll keep my eyes wide open.

Deciding to skip the road and go for the beach instead on our way to surf. A new way to see.

Stuck in paradise

Hi again, friend. I’m back. This time though, I’m stationary. Sat as the only guest at a small local warung in Medewi, Rasta Cafe, overlooking rainwater-filled terraces of rice paddies, like giant stairs of sprouting mirrors, back-bent farmers plucking their green hairs. I hear the prayers from neighbouring mosques, haphazardly yet harmoniously blending into a choir of devout chants. Medewi, unlike most of Bali (but like most of Indonesia), is majority Muslim. Unbeknownst to Fox News, Indonesia is the largest Muslim country in the world. Yet, in Indonesia, major religions (Islam, Hinduism. Buddhism, Christianity, Confucianism) seem to co-exist relatively peacefully. A small, rural community sandwiched between mountain and sea, subsisting mainly from agriculture and fishing, Medewi is still relatively untouched. No town square, hipster cafes or convenience stores, only a few small roads leading into the overgrown, exuberant jungle.

It seems most travelling is off the table for weeks, or maybe even months, to come. No one knows. Coronavirus. Extraordinary times, aren’t they? 2020 definitely ain’t the best year for a round-the-world trip.

“Going back” is not an option – I don’t know what that would even mean, now that I’ve left everything for this nomadic life. But going ahead is no option either, as borders are closed. So for now, I’m stuck here. Stuck in paradise.

In some way, the Coronavirus has been my invisible travel companion. Like a scheming villain hiding in the background, it has been building momentum and closing in on me, wherever I would try to escape. My first encounter with the virus was end of January, when most of the world was still oblivious to it. Back then, I was in Chiang Mai, not too far from the Chinese border, and there had been a couple reported cases in the city. People were starting to worry, masks were handed out and hand-sanitizer was out of stock in every pharmacy. Classic.

But far was I to suspect it would blow out into a full-scale pandemic. I was pretty optimistic and relaxed about the whole thing, as my ex-colleague and travel buddy Rob was keen to point out in his own account.

Then, as I travelled through Thailand, Malaysia, Singapore and finally Bali, the virus travelled westward – to Europe and the Americas. When shit hit the fan in Italy, it felt like the tables were turned – I was now the one worrying for my friends and family back in Europe!

Somehow, South-East Asia felt like a safe haven, given the virus had failed to take a strong hold here. But as you’ll see later, it did catch up in more ways than one.

Last we talked, I was in Ubud, staying with my friend Laurent, recovering from a surfing injury, revelling in all the culture and healing this special town has to offer. From juice cleanses to body work to sound healing, it was a truly nurturing time. A reset. I also got to reunite with my travel buddy, Rob, who’d arrived from Japan after a snowboarding injury, hoping to heal in Ubud too. Together with him and Joel, a gifted musician and sound healer, we adventured on scooter to Lake Batur and the surrounding mountains. What a trip.

Also, I finally got to learn more about the rich, yet impregnable, Balinese culture. Things like temple etiquette, prayers, how to make offerings (at least, canang sari) and properly wear a sarong.

If you ever go to Bali (in the Hindu parts), instead of the usual “Selamat pagi/siang/sore/malam”, greet people with “Om Swastyastu“. Thus wishing safety, happiness and prosperity. They’ll be surprised and appreciative. You might correctly feel the Indian influence (Om, Svasti), Sanskrit remaining the holy language here.

Back to Canggu

Now, with my foot healing, I’d been contemplating my next move. I was on a mission to have the surf of my life, after all. So, in the end, I decided to join a 2-month surf instructor Academy at Mojosurf. Not only would it give me the credentials to teach, most vitally I would learn about the key ocean survival skills I felt I was lacking to tackle bigger, gnarlier waves. The Academy was supposed to start in Red Island, near Java, on very much a deserted beach and break all to ourselves before hitting other islands like Lembongan or Lombok.

But the day before I left, I got a message from one of the surf camp’s employees that now, because of Coronavirus, they were closing all camps across Indonesia and bringing everyone to Canggu until further notice. Fuck. As you might have read in my previous post, I am not the biggest fan of Canggu. Somehow fate would have me go back. Was this a test? To transcend my aversion? Anyway, I’d paid them already and despite the unfortunate change of plans, I was here to surf, Canggu or not.

But it was a very different Canggu I found. A quieter, more peaceful one. COVID-19 had really started ramping up globally and so most tourists left, afraid of being stuck in Bali were the virus to break out here. Ironically, it made the city more liveable. Also, the surf camp had some good family vibe and their manager, Craig, a true legend in his Aussie vernacular, went to great lengths to take care of everyone in these uncertain times. Beaches were still open by then, so we went surfing.

We surfed Kedungu, an easy, mellow reef break ideal for longboards and beginners, but also catering more advanced surfers, with long, peeling rides.

We surfed Balian, a very exposed beach break that receives a lot of swells, a wave machine churning out shifty, sucky peaks driving into long steep walls ripe for ripping. And some surprise monster sets – getting caught in the inside is a given there. It’s facing a rivermouth, whose waters descend from a picturesque, jade-green mountain facing the spot. Also, it’s the only beach in Bali where there’ve been attacks from whale sharks (apparently scouring for garbage from the river and mistaking humans for some…not unfair). Scored some great rides and my shoulders burned.

And of course, we surfed Old Man’s/Batu Bolong, with its hordes of loggers and party waves.

And then it was Nyepi. Amongst the smorgasbord of Hindu celebrations in Bali, Nyepi (also known as “Silent Day”) is the most important one. It’s the equivalent of their New Year, Balinese Hindu having their own calendar. What makes Nyepi special is that for one full day, no one — I repeat, no one — is allowed out of their homes. Pecalang (traditional Balinese security forces) patrol the streets to enforce this, as you can see in the case of this “fucking idiot” as Craig would call him, who went jogging on that day and got properly chained up after arguing with them. During Nyepi, people are abstaining from all kind of entertainment, and for some, speech and food. It’s an island-wide collective physical, mental and spiritual fast, an opportunity to reflect, introspect through prayer, meditation and silence. So yeah, Balinese had already been practicing “lockdown” for hundreds of years – what foresight!

Joke apart, this year’s Nyepi, under the auspices of Coronavirus, was different because all the traditional pre- and post-Nyepi celebrations (which involve many parties such as processions of ogoh-ogoh statues representing evil spirits the day before or a kissing ceremony the day after) were cancelled as they would have resulted in mass gatherings potentially leading into an outbreak. Now, Nyepi is supposed to last for a single day, so what a surprise when I woke up the day after and Craig told me: “They’re extending Nyepi for another day”. Apparently, it had never happened before but this time things were different. Officials figured since people were locked down already, locking them for an extra day could help flatten whatever curve was in Bali.

Escape to Medewi

Whatever I’d do, Coronavirus would keep closing in on me. The next day, they closed down the beaches in Canggu. And Craig told me they were closing down the whole camp, so the Academy was off. Shit. I’d spent north of four grands on this! I couldn’t get a refund as I had already started it, but they gave me an equivalent credit I could use anytime in the next 24 months on any of their product (and for instance, do the whole instructor Academy again). Fair game, especially since the whole travel industry is taking a big hit at the moment, and ought to be careful with their cash reserves. I’ll be back.

However, all that put me in a bit of a funk. I really hit rock bottom over the next two days, not clear what to do next. Questioning my past decisions. Had I been over-optimistic, reckless even, in booking a surfcamp when the pandemic was exploding worldwide? Should I have gone to Lombok instead? Or maybe on a small Mentawai island? What to do next? Escape somewhere else? What if it’s worse? Doubt, confusion and second-guessing reigned supreme and I numbed the pain by binge-reading manga and chain-smoking. A mourning of sorts.

The impact of Coronavirus on my plans and dreams finally hit home. Until then, I had hoped I’d somehow be spared in what I believed to be a refuge island. But then I learned the whole world is shifting ground right now. I learned to avoid committing to plans until the very last minute, especially in this climate of extreme uncertainty. To live by the day, every day. To take time to mourn and feel my pain. And to release attachment to any outcomes.

And then I made a plan. A month earlier, I’d gone to Medewi, on the west coast of Bali, for a surf session. The longest waves I’d ever surfed, Medewi was also way more remote and rural than Canggu. Could it be my next haven? Would Corona find me there? I located a homestay online, texted them and found out surf breaks were still open. Time to get out of my haze and make a move.

I arrived at Pink Barrel, a charming homestay on a side road in Medewi. It’s run by a Balinese couple, Tika and Reza, and a Swedish guy, Mikael. They built the whole place themselves. Overlooking both the mountain and the ocean, broken surfboards hung up the walls, paintings of barrels, a chalkboard tide and swell report, family dinners, impromptu guitar concerts from Reza, you can tell the place’s got soul.

I checked in my room, and then suffered increasing migraines. I touched my forehead and it was hot. A thermometer check later, I had low-grade fever at 37.8. I let the hosts know, and told that I’d be staying in my room until further notice. I’m really grateful for them not kicking me out from fear, but on the opposite, checking in on me regularly to make sure I was fine. It says a lot about the kind of caring, loving people they are. In the night, I woke up with cold sweats and chills. Next day, I went to the hospital for a check. There was some viral infection, but they didn’t have any COVID-19 tests, so they couldn’t say. They thought it could be dengue (incidentally, I had been bitten by a swarm of mosquitoes the night before) but it was too early to tell.

For the next few days, I felt extreme fatigue, migraines and some vertigo. No sore throat, no short breath, no runny nose though. Given I’m not a “person at risk”, I wasn’t as scared for myself as I was for others — I felt guilty for checking in this homestay and potentially infecting others…so I self-quarantined. 3 weeks later, I’m relieved that no one there contracted any symptoms.

After a few sluggish days, I started feeling better. They say the ocean is the best remedy, so I took my surfboard and went to get some of the longest rides of my life again at Medewi’s Point. I really felt my surfing improve, as I did some radical top-turns and threw out some good spray. I also tasted the mistakenly yet poetically named Right Ender (right handers are rare enough in Bali that they can be christened so) and being natural footed, I got to weave on a few incredible overhead breakers, sometimes for over 100 meters, dancing with waves and scoring some of my best manoeuvers. My surfing had never been in a better shape!

Apart from surfing though, I was mostly in my bedroom, respecting my self-imposed quarantine. Being time-rich, I decided to invest some of that time in the effort against COVID-19 and joined in Helpful Engineering. Helpful Engineering is a grassroots, volunteering organization that grew out of the current crisis, gathering engineers, designers and scientists to innovate and fight the virus . Some projects focus on manufacturing 3D-printed masks, others build contact-tracing apps… I joined a project matching hospitals’ needs for equipment supply or repair with providers and supported them with my product expertise. It’s still being built at the moment, but I hope it will contribute a little.

Locally, Coronavirus kept closing in. As surfbreaks from Canggu, Kuta and Bukit closed, local authorities feared expats and tourists there would storm and so they closed Medewi’s Point and the Right Hander. Under such pressure, my hosts decided to close their homestay, so I was now homeless — and waveless — again.

Days lost in time

Fortunately, the parents of my hosts had their own homestay — Medewi Surf Homestay — and were willing to take me in. A special place, that homestay. The first surf homestay in Medewi, opened decades ago, its history blends with the vines of the luxuriant flora. Old surfboards, some with the most unorthodox shapes I’d ever seen, are hung up on trees or houses, inviting guests to dream up their stories. The ground is made up of thousands of little white stones, gently massaging the feet while occasionally gathering into pentagrams and taijitu symbols. Random sculptures and small statues adorn the facades of a place which, not unlike some Berlin nightclubs, seems to have grown organically, fortuitously carved by time with various people and visitors adding their own touch over the years.

The family man, whom I affectionately call Papa Ugis is one of a kind. A bodyworker and healer, he gave me hands-down the best massage I’ve ever received (no pun intended). It was strong, intense, psychedelic even. He wasn’t working my body, he was working my soul. When he was done, I was fluctuating between sobbing and delirious laughter. So much release. As we became closer in following days and warmed up to each other, he told me: “Antoooooiiine! When you arrived, looking so mysterious and worried! Now, all smiling! Europeans always tense, too much worry and thinking in the head. They need good massage!”

Papa Ugis’ story is gripping. Born in Medewi, he was one of the first local surfers. He learned from some Aussies who’d come here in the 70’s, going to the beach after school to sell them soda He became a surfing hotshot while still in high school, but then had a scooter accident, which put him into a coma and nearly took away his leg. His father, refusing amputation, sold much of his land so that surgeons would keep working on his son. He spent over a year at the hospital and countless surgeries, until he could walk again. Slowly but surely, he rebuilt his life and finished high-school. After a couple more years, he went back surfing. But a few years later, after he nearly drowned in big surf, he committed to stop risking his life — and the support he was providing his family and community.

The man himself

Being the bodyworker he is, I figured I could learn a thing or two from him. So I asked him to take me as his student. The impulse also came from realising how much I was missing touch. When in Ubud, I went to visit the famed Monkey Forest, home to hundreds of close cousins aping around old temples and picking on (if not pickpocketing) tourists.

There I became absorbed in watching gangs of simians, time and time again, rub and scrub each other. It was endearing to see the connection they were nurturing through touch – non-sexual, just friendly, affectionate touch. An elemental wisdom we seem to have forgotten in most industrialised societies, where we like to keep some distance. Maybe we could learn from them too?

So there I ended, oiling and massaging a 60 year-old man’s intimate parts for hours. The learning process was everything but what I was used to: instead of delving into theory and scaffolding learning, we dived right in the deep end. Papa Ugis was all about practice. He made it clear when he told me about “those Europeans who study massage in a school for 3 years, come here and give me a massage, and I feel nothing!”. We’d focus every session on a particular body part, say shoulders or legs, and then he’d bombard knowledge, demonstrating dozens and dozens of gestures and pressure points which I’d then try my best to remember and practice on him. It was learning by overwhelm, my brain a small pool which he repeatedly flooded with information, hoping some would remain once it’d all dried up.

This was all the more thought-provoking, as I was then reading The Art of Learning from chess prodigy and Push Hands Tai Chi world champion Josh Waitzkin, in which the author lays an approach that revolves around incremental learning and depth over breadth. In my case, we were just doing all of it. Then, from repetitive practice, I started integrating patterns and principles. It was like learning in reverse.

In its own way, it made a lot of sense, bodywork being bodywork — not mindwork. You have to feel, more than you think — so an excess of theoretical knowledge can be an impediment to truly listening to the other, with the masseur going through mechanical routines (something not uncommon in Asia). I find this tension between thinking and feeling when massaging someone fascinating, especially as a learner: on the one hand, you do need to remember gestures and pressure points and can’t just improvise it all, on the other you have to feel and listen to what they need. Finding that balance, oscillating between the two, is a true meditation. Often, I’d come out of these sessions dazed and drained, so deep a presence I’d had to maintain for hours.

Over the course of my stay, I genuinely bonded with the whole family. This is something I’d really craved for, connecting deeply with locals — but it can be surprisingly hard. Especially in heavily touristic places such as Bali. Of course, being the only guest helped. From chatting with Mama, practicing with Papa Ugis in the afternoon, talking surf with their elder son Rama, or playing with baby Rasia, as Papa Ugis said himself: “You have Balinese family now!”.

And so my days became lost in time, a blissful routine of massage, reading and surfing. For the first time since the beginning of my journey, I was now actually slowing down.

Though the two breaks in Medewi were closed, Sumbul’s beach break, only a couple kilometers away was still open.

Locals rippin’

I religiously made my way there every day, riding everything from fat, easy waves to crushing, hollow barrelling ones. That’s the thing with beach breaks: they’re pleasantly inconsistent and change from one day to the next, sometimes from one hour to the next. Committed to make the most of the last open surf break in Bali, I surfed heavily (2 to 5 hours a day) and my surfing kept getting better, from snapping to regularly hitting the lip at the end of sections and even finishing with a floater or two. And duck-dives. Plenty of them. It’s a beach break after all.

Having no surf instructors to rely on, I took my upon my own coaching, dissecting my sessions and mistakes made so I could improve steadily. I started watching surfing tutorials on YouTube and can recommend to surfers reading to check the excellent How to Rip channel. There’s some real gold in there that will take your surfing to new heights. After a few days though, the intense physical exertion asked for payback. Excruciating muscular pain, especially in my shoulders and ribs. All that paddling. Lucky I stayed with such a talented masseur! I also began stretching more regularly, and again, for all the surfers reading, learned amazing stretches from another Youtube channel (Surf Strength Coach) to release rotator cuffs (shoulder) and lats (ribs) which tend to suffer from vigorous paddling.

But anyway, that cunning Coronavirus closed in and so did the beach at Sumbul a couple of days ago. Game over, no more surfing. I’m still in Medewi, taking it easy and waiting for it all to pass. Because this too, shall pass. Until then, I’m stuck in paradise.

Surf’s up in Bali

From a boat? From a train? Nope, this time, I’m writing from a plane. 10,000 feet above the azure hues of the Indian Ocean, flying from Singapore to Bali. But here’s the kicker — I am returning to Bali as I write this. Almost a month earlier to the day, I had first landed in Bali after travelling through Malaysia by train and then to Singapore by bus. But now, I needed to extend (ahem, reset) my tourist visa and so I planned a quick 24-hour round trip, athletically known as a “visa run”, between the neighbouring islands. 1, 2, 3 – go! Visa runs are common practice among expats living in Bali (and many parts of South-East Asia) where obtaining a long-term visa is apparently a daunting endeavour, involving hordes of middlepeople and bureaucracy — especially pointless if you’re a digital nomad working from your laptop and thus not needing any kind of work permit. Plus, you can help a local friend get much-needed hardware and stock up essentials, like 85% Lindt chocolate, from the air-conditioned malls of Singapore. Writing this, I realise a visa run is a privilege. I’m French, so I have a pretty good passport, one of the best in the world, if only measured by the number of countries I can enter visa-free — according to the Henley Index, it ranks 4th, with only 29 countries requiring a formal visa demand. Citizens of most nations of the world can’t say so. Experiencing borders so fully now makes me nostalgic for the grand vision of the European project (i.e. freedom of movement and freedom of establishment), at a time when its past momentum has all but reversed. And makes me long for the day when we finally erase down these dank lines from our maps. 

When we last left off, I was on my way to Kuala Lumpur, or KL as the locals affectionately call it. I like the former name better — if you pay attention, you can hear the murmur of the jungle and smell the sweet scent of spices when it rolls on your tongue. I only spent an evening there but strolling down the night markets and looking up the Petronas Towers, I got a sense of the city. Most capitals I had visited in South-East Asia have all such different personalities. Chaotic Phnom Penh. Sleepy Vientiane. Glitzy Kuala Lumpur. Slick Singapore.

Which is where I was headed the next day. Arriving by bus from Malaysia, it became clear I was in a different country. A different world even. Architectural symphonies, trees and gardens everywhere you look, streets so clean you could eat on them. Peacefulness. Quietude. Like the city in the sky, where the chosen ones escaped to preserve human civilisation after some cataclysmic event happened, far away from any harm of the radioactive badlands and their mutant inhabitants below. Ironically, while I initially found this sci-fi trope helpful to describe my first impression of Singapore, it only got more real after I visited the forest and flower greenhouses at the Marina Sands Bay gardens: the largest ones of their kind in the world, they are host to a stupendous amount of species and so could well become tomorrow’s biodiversity havens, our very own Noah’s Ark if/when the Sixth Extinction happens. Who’s sci-fi now?

Singapore does feel in many ways like the city of the future. More than any I’ve ever visited or lived in, Tokyo included. For one, nature, city and technology live symbiotically, with the city’s many vertical gardens hugging their lovers of steel and glass. Or the Super Trees glistening at dusk. A garden city, Singapore is an urban designer’s wet dream and I sometimes felt like I was walking in one of those miniature maquettes you sometimes see in museum exhibitions, spelling out ambitious dreams of urban future.

It also is city of the future, in other, darker ways: CCTVs are everywhere, denunciation is commonplace and nudging constant. The perfect 21st-century surveillance state. But it seems like it works for them.

More than visions of the future though, I also enjoyed many recollections of the past in Singapore. On my first evening, I visited Margot, an ex-lover of mine now living there with her daughter and boyfriend. After not having seen each other for over 7 years, I was touched by how warmly she welcomed me into her home, offering friendship, wine, food and cigarettes, when I was worn out and unkempt from a week of journeying down from Thailand. We even got to strum a few Bob Marley chords and sing like in the good ol’ days.

I also went for lunch with my long-time friend and SciencesPo classmate Zhiheng. Z, as we call him, had kindly offered to receive my surfboard which I sent from the UK so I could avoid carrying it on my adventurous trail from Cambodia to Singapore – which would have been impossible to say the least. I met him at his Morgan Stanley office, where my surfboard had been learning all about investment banking and M&A for the previous 2 months, and we then went for a traditional Padang-style meal and Singaporean coffee. Even after all these years, we reconnected instantly and got deep into startup talk.

So grateful for these decade-old friendships. They are the true stuff of life.

New friendships are great too. I shared the traditional Singaporean breakfast (Butter toast, kaya, boiled eggs) with Esther, a fellow Sandboxer, who then took me on a tour of the old Katong neighbourhood with its colonial houses. Singapore’s history is fascinating and I was surprised how much multiculturalism was its DNA . I was staying in Little India myself, stuffing myself with naan and biryani, and it was always heartwarming to see Singaporeans of Malay, Chinese, Indian and Caucasian descent hang out. 

But now, the ocean was calling. It told me the waves were longing for me. “Feeling’s mutual” I whispered. So I boarded a plane to Bali, ready to commence THE surf trip.

And what a looker, this island, this verdant rock in the middle of the ocean, dotted with thousands of fine, intricate Hindu temples and honoured daily with offerings of saffron flowers, sweet fruit and balmy incense. Ritual in the Island of Gods is alive and well. More than simply a religious duty, it is the social glue that binds locals together – there always seems to be a big ceremony (whether it be Galungan, Kuningan, Nyepi in my time here) alongside weddings, local rites and gatherings. I was told Balinese people spend most of their income on ritual and I believe it.

I started in Canggu, on the south-western shore of the island. I had booked a surf camp a few days later, but first I wanted to reclaim my surf level, rusty from nearly a year away from waves. I sure got back to my dedicated surfer routine pretty quickly: wake up just before sunrise, surf for a couple of hours, drive through rice paddies to breakfast — elated from the session and blasting reggae, a big smile on my face — chill in the afternoon, surf at sunset for another couple of hours, dinner, sleep. Repeat. Following the sweet astral beat, synced with nature’s slow tempo, I got into myself into a rhythm.

And I started learning Bahasa Indonesia (i.e. Indonesian…in Indonesian), the simplest and most logical language I’ve ever come across. Latin script, dead-easy pronunciation, simple subject-verb-object syntax, no verb conjugation, no gender, no plural…so no excuse! Being who I am, I opted to learn with a language learning app, and Babbel had the best course, so also ended up doing competitive analysis for my old colleagues at Busuu.

Those were lonely days, too. Not that I don’t like it – an ambivert, I enjoy swinging into long spans of solitude from highly social environments and back. But in Canggu, I did everything except connect deeply with other humans. “How do you connect with an illusion?” I came to ask myself after a couple of days. Because Canggu was an illusion. A real-life Instagram, where tourists and expats alike are all cooler, hipper than the next. A town where breakfast felt less like a culinary experience and more like a fashion show, shutter clicks and envious looks included. Maybe I didn’t try hard enough and stayed stuck at the surface level – but man, I tried. 

I stayed there longer than I wanted, mainly because I had already booked a surfcamp, Kima, which happened to be there. As an intermediate + surfer, I’m generally dubious of surfcamps, as many of them are geared towards total beginners, if not plain party hostels in disguise with little to no surfing value. On the other hand, as I have ahead of me a few solid months of surfing that will push my limits, I wanted coaching so I could fix my bad habits and level up quickly. I got lucky as the only intermediate + surfer (level 4 they call it) in the camp, so I had surf guiding sessions all by myself, with Balinese guides who took me to local spots.

We surfed Medewi, the longest left-hander in Bali (up to 500m!) where I cut through the mellow, buttery faces of endless waves, putting in turn after turn, incredulous.

We surfed Watu Klotok, a tight-faced, speedy right hander, where I generated flow like never before, dancing with the water below. I got it. And, hubris maybe, later got completely crushed by a heavy, surprise set of 3m+ waves, stuck in the inside, caught behind the ferocious blue curtain. 

We surfed Tanah Lot, a “secret” spot with a stunning panorama, right next to a sea temple, tucked between two cliffs and accessible only by an impossibly vertical staircase that drops dramatically into the breaking waves. Swift left-handers, up to overhead, but not as heavy as it seemed.

We surfed Cucukan, a fast, hollow right hander that sections into a barrel, right in front of a laid back local fishing beach, with its warung and perahu. Made a few, wiped out loads (hollower waves being the wall I need to break through).

We surfed Black Stone, an A-frame off the shore of a massive concrete resort, catching unpredictable peaks wherever I could.

Last, we surfed Serangan, the most special of all, on my last day. It’s an outer reef break, which means you have to take a perahu (fishing boat) for a couple kilometres offshore before reaching the line up. Right there, a wave breaks, right below the school of anchored boats bringing surfers there on a daily basis. And that sky-blue water – nothing like the greenish waves back on the shore. Fast, clean lines with a relatively easy take-off that then turn into tight-faced racetracks and sometimes end up barrelling. I raced down their walls and even got shampooed as I was crouching in the chamber of the blue curl.

Overall, the camp delivered the goods. Still, I didn’t connect any further with Canggu nor its crowd, disillusioned with its cliches and archetypes of Instagram hipsters, vegan-yogi-models and Balinese surf gangstas getting fucked up on whisky-coke at the local Minimart. I’m aware my own judgements probably prevented me from going deeper and seeing the beauty in the dirt. They say judgements are a great tool to understand one’s needs – so I suppose mine are really about authenticity, diversity and depth.

What a relief when I arrived in Ubud, where I had planned to visit and spend time with another old friend, Laurent. We’d met 10 years ago in Paris, during early hours at a Concrete after-party and somehow built a deep friendship over the years and across countries, from France to Germany through the UK to Bali. I’ve always felt a deep connection and looked up to him as a senpai, the wise person he is being a bit further on this journey of life than I am. 

My intro to Ubud couldn’t have been more Ubud. Less than an hour after my taxi dropped me off, I was spinning at an ecstatic dance party that Laurent was organising, connecting non-verbally, yet more deeply than I had over the past 10 days in Canggu. 

Right away, I felt home. In a sense, I was home. The community of expats living in the mountains of Ubud was much closer to my London community than it was to the Canggu beach crowd. Yoga, meditation, healings of all sorts, poly, breathwork, cacao ceremonies, vegan/raw/organic restaurants, holistic health and nutrition, conscious dance parties… my peoples. Don’t get me wrong though: I’ve lived long enough to know that everything has its shadow. There is still a scene here, although a more conscious one, and the void left by Canggu’s blunt materialism was sometimes replaced by a flavour of spiritual consumerism (I’m looking at you, spiritual pickup artist!).

Laurent himself is a healer, blending technology (amplified vibrational water beds, electronic soundscapes, stroboscopic light machines) with tradition (didgeridoos, gongs) to induce deep meditative and altered states of consciousness. A one-of-kind experience which I highly recommend you try LSV if you’re ever around.

The vibration had shifted, and in a few days, I got from smoking half a pack a day, downing Bintangs and swiping through shallow connections to caring for my body, my mind and my heart. I’m pretty much a sponge, hence I absorb and adapt to whatever my environment is — especially on this journey, I want to let the world mould me.

While I had initially planned on spending just a few days, I figured why leave so soon if I felt home, and my healthiest self? Laurent kindly offered a mattress in his home. But I craved the ocean and the surf! What to do? So I made a plan to get the best of both of Bali’s worlds: get a scooter with a surf rack to hit the south-eastern coast in the morning for a surf, come back and chill in Ubud in the afternoon. Surely, I could get my cake, and eat it too.

Or so I thought until I went surfing Cucukan’s snappy waves again. I increased my risk profile that time, going more in the inside, being less picky and paddling for more waves. After what seemed an ordinary wipeout, I felt a sting on the arch of my foot but couldn’t really see what was going on below the waterline. As I pulled my foot above the water and touched the painful spot with my finger…there was a hole a few centimetres deep. I had split my foot open on reef. Fuck. Fuck. FUCK! To add to my woes, the sea water that day was the filthiest I’d seen, because of heavy wet season rainstorms of the previous day (and Bali’s lacking waste water management system).

“Shit, must not get this infected”.

I ended up at the hospital an hour later, with 4 stitches in my foot. And no more ocean until the wound is closed.

“How long until then?” — I asked

“Hmmm…seven to ten days” — they said.

“OK, then R&R in Ubud”

And so the following week ended up very chilled: lazing in bed in the mornings. Taking time for slow, deliberate practice. Healing. Reading — currently alternating between the exalted Bhagavad Gita and the irreverent Jitterbug Perfume…sprinkled with some guilty Boruto chapters. Watching the wet season skies pour down on the rice paddies (“wetflix and chill”). Dancing when Laurent was DJing (maybe I shouldn’t with this foot?). Watching Legong, a traditional Balinese dance, all about eyes and hand movements. Sampling the finest foods. Taking long, leisurely strolls through viridescent hill paths and neighbouring rice paddies, weeded and cleaned from pest by wild ducks, all the while sowed by farmers, rainwater to their knees.

In some sense, this is what I needed: slowing down. Grounding. And since I couldn’t seem to get myself to do so, speeding as I was on the travel highway, the universe gently pulled me over. And grounded me good.

My new-found physical invalidity equally became a door into the knots of my own psyche. I was undergoing painful, restricted movement and had to suffer maddening interactions with Indonesian bureaucracy at the hospital which I had to return to every couple days to make sure my wound wasn’t getting infected. Behind all the stoke from the sun, surf and sand, I realised how tense and impatient I could be, short, condescending even, when things weren’t efficient or turn out the way I wanted them to be. And as you might know, the “developing world” will teach you patience and acceptance. I’m still learning.

And still healing. More than ever, I have developed a healthy fear of the sharp reef below. I know I will take its proper measure from now on.

The ocean was like an uncaring God, endlessly dangerous, power beyond measure. And yet you were expected, even as a kid, to take its measure every day. You were required—this was essential, a matter of survival —to know your limits, both physical and emotional. But how could you know your limits unless you tested them? And if you failed the test? You were also required to stay calm if things went wrong. Panic was the first step, everybody said, to drowning. As a kid, too, your abilities were assumed to be growing. What was unthinkable one year became thinkable, possibly, the next.

– William Finnegan in Barbarian Days

As my karate sensei liked to point out, it takes a full-blown hit in the head for someone to effectively face guard. Yes, trauma can be the best teacher.

Full sails in Thailand

Hello friend. I’m back, once again writing from a vehicle in motion – but this time, rails have replaced the Mekong and I’ve traded a slow-boat for a high-speed train. I sure do have a thing for writing in movement.

The train is heading to Kuala Lumpur. This morning I woke up in Langkawi, a lush Malaysian island close to the Thai border. I packed my things, drove 20 kms to the jetty on my rental scooter, returned the scooter, boarded a 90-minute long ferry to Kuala Kedah, came off the boat, jumped in a taxi to Alor Sentar 10kms away and finally got myself onto this train. I find multimodal, overland transportation a much more interesting way to get from A to B than say, flying. I have all the time in the world, so why not? I get to actually see what the country looks like. And the impact on our planet is much gentler too. Since the start of my journey in Phnom Penh, Cambodia (3,800 kms earlier) I’ve travelled this way, all the way down to Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia.

The journey so far.

Or almost. We did take a cheeky, domestic flight from Chiang Mai to Phuket, as Rob and I had a hard deadline – the start of our week-long sailing trip. It sucked but I did the least I could do and I offset the thing. Which I have been doing for all flights so far I have been and commit to keep doing throughout this trip, using

After I last wrote, we crossed the Laos-Thailand border on foot, when the slow-boat dropped us in Huay Xai. From all the border crossings so far, it was the most comical: on the Laotian side, we had to pay an “overtime fee” for crossing since it was past 6pm and then had to wait for a bus to take us to the Thai side — we weren’t allowed to walk across the Friendship Bridge (but sure enough we had to pay for the bus).

Arriving in Thailand, I felt giddy, experiencing again the comfort of a more industrialised country, especially after so many days adventuring in the outback of Laos with bare necessities. Paved roads! 7-Eleven! Cafés! Funny how those staples of modern consumer society become luxury once you start acclimatising to a rougher environment. The hedonic treadmill doesn’t just go forward — it goes backwards too. In a way, it’s a good thing: this means a little austerity can go a long way to making us more grateful for what we normally take for granted, as Epicurians found out long ago.

I had heard that Northern Thailand was culturally rich and it did not disappoint. We spent the night in Chiang Rai and first thing in the morning, we headed out to see the famed White Temple. It was superb — and crazy. The best way to describe it is…if Hieronymus Bosch, Banksy and Walt Disney had had a threesome (time-travel, you know) and their kid (that’s not how it works?) was born a Thai artist who devoted his life to building a Buddhist temple.

Hieronymus Bosch, for his visions of heavens and hells. The mind-boggling level of minutiae of frescoes and sculptures. I spent over 30 minutes examining the infinite detail of a 6-meter long hellscape at the entrance of the temple.

Banksy, for the blurry line between real and unreal, authentic and fake: what a sight to behold Thai visitors kneel and pray with all their heart before an altar to Buddha, their back directly facing paintings of George W. Bush and Osama Bin-Laden (symbolising the evil we must battle) part of a giant pop-art fresco featuring other icons such as Iron Man, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles or Pikachu. No pictures allowed, though.

Finally, Walt Disney for the architectural grandeur and business savvy. The temple, both a place of worship and an art piece, is a living building, under constant construction. Just like a theme park, over 2 million visitors enter the White Temple every year generating huge profits which are reinvested in expanding it. The mastermind behind it all, Chalermchai Kositpipat (rightfully) sees it as his life’s work, reviving traditional Thai art, while also becoming immortal.

After this satisfying visit, we headed to Chiang Mai, capital of the ancient Lan Na Kingdom. After a few days travelling, mostly sat on boats and buses, my body felt a strong urge to exercise so I went and found a Muay Thai gym to let a few kicks out. On the way, I stopped by a Buddhist temple (this one less rococo than the White Temple) where 2 young monks, Sutham and Bas, pulled me over to practice their English. I got to learn about their daily schedule, including Sai Bat (morning alms) and attending Buddhist school, which includes not only religious but also lay subjects such as history, math or natural sciences. Becoming a novice first, a monk then, is undoubtedly a great way to get an education in most of South-East Asia, especially for those born in less fortunate environments. I even got to teach them a new word: Lay people as they were always referring to us as “normal people” to which I’d retort: “But you’re normal too! Or rather, no one is!”.

Muay Thai was much fun — and sweat. I hadn’t hit a bag since my last karate trainings in London, so it felt cathartic, plus I learned a few new techniques, especially elbow and knee strikes. They’re incredibly powerful and not something we use in much karate, but it’s really big in Muay Thai. And rightfully so: elbows and knees are the hardest, strongest ends of our body. Then I realised, from all peoples I know, Thais are the one who leverage their knees and elbows most — not only in fighting, but also in massage.

Which I got to experience full well in Chiang Mai, as I had my first satisfying — and painful, they often go together for me — massage since the start of my journey. Right after my Muay Thai class, I needed to loosen up a bit and found this place, Association Massage Chiang Mai of Blind, the massage equivalent of Dans Le Noir, where all bodyworkers are blind. During my second visit there, I got paired with a really strong one who was able to properly dig into my IT band, stretch my hips and most important, listen. While I initially expected to get the best massages of my life in the region, surprisingly I hadn’t been wow’ed until then, as I found most masseuses’ approach to be too…formulaic, not intuitive enough: they would invariably go through a rigid, pre-defined sequence instead of listening to what I needed. But this guy listened and man, he had strong hands!

The next day, we got back on scooters and drove all the way up the mountain towards Doi Suthep, a huge temple at the top where a relic of Buddha is kept under a massive golden stupa.

The way up was pure joy, leaning into bend after bend. We also visited a Hmong (hill tribe) village, which featured giant bamboos and flower gardens. In the distance, you could see the valley and then, hills after hills, standing like waves in the ocean. Myanmar too. After visiting the hill tribe museum, one of the gardeners actually showed us where he grew weed and opium — and asked if we wanted some. “Well, we’re driving”, we replied, as responsible adults.

So we drove, back to Chiang Mai where I spent the evening getting lost in the night market and seeing the largest amount of food I’ve ever seen in my whole life, spread out between hundreds of food stalls.

Next morning came the time to leave and journey to Phuket, where our yacht was waiting for our week-long sailing adventure. Arriving at the airport, we put on our masks. Coronavirus, they said.

Phuket was to be the finish line of our month-long adventure with Rob in South-East Asia, starting with Nettra and Luc’s wedding in Siem Reap, Cambodia and ending with our sailing trip in Southern Thailand. How much we had experienced in this month! And we knew the last chapter would be equally exciting, as we were to sail our own yacht in crystal-clear waters and live our pirate fantasy to the fullest.

Landing in Phuket, I couldn’t wait to get to the beach and reunite with the sea. But Rob and I immediately felt a bad vibe from the locals, whether it was our taxi from the airport or our host from the first night, both trying to rip us off and being generally rude. This was ominous of my time in Southern Thailand – more on that later.

Next day was the big day, the one we’d been waiting for, when we’d sail off. We went to Elite Charters, our yacht rental company, for a thorough briefing on the area. I then left on a mission to stock up on groceries. Little Eva, our ship, was way more than sole transportation — she was our home, where we’d live, eat, shit, wash, sleep and more for a whole week. We needed it fully stocked.

The mission to get to groceries became more…interesting, as one of the tires on my scooter got punctured on the way to the supermarket and I then spent the next 3 hours driving around with a flat tire, trying to find a scooter mechanic by communicating with locals through Google Translate. In somewhat such a touristy place as Phuket, seemed like no one actually spoke much English. I did eventually find a mechanic, who replaced both the chamber and tire, in his modest garage, a shack lost in the bush which also happened to be his house where he lived with his son, wife and baby. Family business.

Groceries mission complete, we finally set off from the marina on Little Eva, with Rob. And Ali — the skipper we had hired for the first 2 days. Reasonably enough, we wanted to get comfortable with the ship and the area before we, newly minted skippers, threw ourselves in the deep-end, left to our own devices. Sure, we did pass a skipper exam in May and skippered a yacht independently for a full day, but this was the real test – could we then, for the following 5 days, work as a team of 2 and figure it all out, without breaking the ship nor ourselves?

And what an adrenaline-filled week it was. I can’t remember the last time I had lived this fully, this intensely. Marc Andreessen is famous for saying that building startups you only ever experience two emotions: euphoria and terror. That’s how I feel about yachting too.

On day 1, after leaving the marina, we journeyed towards Koh Nukha Yai. Little Eva was a solid yacht, 12-meter long, with a 4-5m high mainsail, a smaller genoa and the classic setup below deck: 2 bedrooms, a kitchenette opening into a living room, manual-pump toilets (err, sorry…”heads”) and shower. We did hoist the sails and played with the wind on the way there, which was blowing hard – up to 20 knots! I always get a mixture of excitement and fear when close-hauling against strong winds: excitement from the feeling of speed, sensing the bite on the wheel and seeing the vessel angle to the side as it catches the wind; fear from recognising how powerful the forces and heavy the weights we are playing with are… forces that could eventually capsize the ship in an instant. That night we anchored on a small beach on Koh Nukha Yai, now desert as the daytrip boats had all left, leaving it all to ourselves to enjoy, with a beautiful sunset and a well deserved Singha.

On day 2, we set off around 7am, to Koh Panak. This will remain one of the highlights of this trip, if not of my life. Koh Panak is your brochure-perfect, typical limestone-cliff-dropping-into-the-sea-island. After anchoring there, we boarded our dinghy and paddled into a small cave (it was too shallow to motor). As soon as we entered the stalactites-filled cave, it became pitch-black and…silent. All we could hear was the echo of water drops falling afar. We kept paddling in the dark, pointing our flashlight at the remarkable sculptures the sea had carved over thousands of years, the tide its mighty chisel. Until we saw the light at the end of the tunnel. Literally. So, we paddled towards the light. As we reached the opening, we crouched under the teeth of the cave’s mouth, which then proceeded to throw us out, back in the open and the daylight, yet this time we were surrounded by the island! Here we were, on our dinghy, in the middle, in the eye of the island, encircled by a 360° cliff on which a thriving forest was growing near-vertically. And again, so very silent, with not another human in sight. All we could sometimes hear was the echo of a bird shrieking, reverberating all around us. None of us were saying a word – to break this silence would take away the sacredness of this eternal moment. We had landed in Sir Conan Doyle’s Lost World (I was bracing myself to see a pterodactyl circle above us at any time). This place had been the same for thousands of years and will probably be the same for thousands to come. I was speechless, in pure awe at the unspoilt natural beauty. Satori.

No words

We had the idea to keep following the water stream as it probably led back through another cave to the other side of the island but as we kept paddling it became muddy, and so, clear that we couldn’t go much further. We headed back. The rest of the day paled in comparison: we sailed to “James Bond Island” so-called because it was featured in 1974’s Man With the Golden Gun, which ended up being an absolute tourist trap. And then anchored in Ko Yao Noi for the night.

On Day 3, in the early hours, we parted with Ali. No more adult supervision – now the real adventure could begin. We made a first stop in Koh Nok, a small island with a steep hike to the top, with ropes to help you scramble up. At the top, we were greeted with picture-perfect, panoramic views of the islands — some far, far away.

Time to head to Koh Hong. “Hong” means “chamber” in Thai and hongs are therefore “chambers within islands”, similar to what we’d experienced the day before. However, this time wasn’t as satisfying: daytrip boats all over the place, no cave to paddle through and also, the engine of our dinghy suddenly stopped working. After spending a couple of hours choking it, then flooding it, then letting it rest, we were able to start it again and finally make it into the hong. We then sailed off to Railay beach, in Krabi where we intended to spend the night. Our misfortunes continued there, as we anchored in the bay, which on that day was receiving quite a lot of swell. Shortly after dropping the anchor, it became clear it was not a good idea as there was a non-zero risk that anchor would not hold and our ship would drift away during the night. So we tried to pull the anchor back… but couldn’t, as the boat was spinning on itself from the combined effect of the swell and the wind blowing hard on it. Half an hour and a dive later, we finally managed to pull the anchor back. Phew. No time to rest though, we needed to find a sheltered bay – fast, as the sun was setting and none of us had experience sailing at night. Fortunately, our almanac pointed to a nearby bay, where we found shelter. As we anchored — properly, this time — we kicked back and laughed. Situations can change in a second and things can get stressful quickly on a boat! We jumped on our dinghy, decided to go town – literally and figuratively- and let some steam out after this stressful landing. We did what pirates do and got properly inebriated, downing drinks and singing karaoke at one of the islands’ many reggae bars on the main touristy strip. Oh and of course, swimming naked with fluorescent plankton under the jagged cliffs.

Day 4. Head hurts. A hangover to nurse. So Rob had a Tinder date on the boat (gotta use it) and I went swimming. After restocking with groceries, we set off to the beautiful island of Koh Pu- “Old School Thailand” as Melissa from the charter company described it. Quiet, sandy beach, with a few tiki bars dotted here and there, it was a stark contrast to the frenetic, built-up Main Street of Railay. We got to watch the most beautiful sunset (I nearly clapped) and eat the best Tom Kha at one of the only 2 restaurants on the island.

Our faithful Little Eva, patiently waiting for us in the bay

On day 5, fully rested, our plan was to sail to the Phi Phi islands, famous for “The Beach” (that cult movie with Leo was filmed there). It was January 31st and we’d had this idea for a while to put on a Brexit party — on the boat. Find a few people, get some salt & vinegar crisps, blast “God Save the Queen”. On the way to Phi Phi (pronounced “pee-pee”, it never gets old), we stopped by Bamboo Island for some top-notch snorkelling. While waters until then had been more of an emerald-green, they were now turning turquoise — my favourite kind. I was lucky enough to swim with fish so colourful they made rainbow jealous.

Arriving in Phi Phi, it felt very different to Koh Puh. Massively built up, a huge tourist Main Street replete with a Burger King and McDonald’s, right there in the middle of paradise. And lots of millennials straight out of a spring break movie. We did go big that night though, mourning the UK’s departure from the EU and making new friends along the way. The fatal decision, the moment of hubris, was to buy some of the cocktail buckets we’d seen other tourists drinking from. I’d originally had nothing but disdain towards them but then realised they made a lot of sense, economically speaking – they were huge and inconceivably strong (though as I learned later from a friend, because they’re filled with moonshine…). It all ended with rounds of dancing, limbo, rope skipping and a stolen bag… my daypack, with my wallet and phone, was taken away that night (drunk tourists do make an easy prey). Not only that, a few days later, as I had been hoping a good samaritan would, someone got in touch with me on Facebook claiming they had found my iPhone! But after a day chatting with them, it felt funny and I realised they were the thief, now trying to phish me through a very well-made lookalike Find My iPhone website, prompting me to log in so they could get my credentials and unlock my phone! Vicious. I nearly got had and wonder how many have in the past. Anyway, lesson learned.

On day 6, our new friends met the night before came onboard Little Eva for a quick sail. They loved it and it was great to share the gift of sailing with others. Vincent, a French guy who needed to head back to Phuket and a sailor himself, joined us for the rest of the trip, as our first mate. We then headed off to Kao Yao Noi for our final night. Arriving there, the wind started blowing again so we put in some nice tacks around the bay.

As the sun was setting, it was time to anchor. But anchoring is a bitch. Just after we’d boarded the dinghy and were on our way to the beach for dinner, Rob very astutely observed that…well, the ship was drifting away. We were not anchored. Mic drop. So we got back on the ship, tried to pull the anchor back and get closer to the bay, but the anchor would not bulge. It seemed like it was jammed, maybe caught under. Shit. So we called all the emergency phone numbers the charter company had given us (none answered), so then we went looking for help, from other yachts first and then on the beach. No one seemed able to help so we headed back to the boat, which somehow looked like it had stopped drifting. But it was hard to say – we were far offshore, in over 20m depth, the wind was blowing the boat away, which then spun and circled around. Was it actually drifting or not? Not knowing what to do, we tried playing a bit more with the windlass (the contraption that pulls up the anchor chain) and then Vincent figured out the use of a tool to tighten it. We got it working again, were able to pull the anchor up and finally, after 3 stressful hours, anchored properly in 6m depth much closer to the bay. Rob, still concerned by the whole thing, kept waking up through the night to check we weren’t drifting. I have to give it to him, Rob is a fantastic skipper, much better than I am and I would not have felt as comfortable and confident throughout this whole trip without him. I was able to relax because I knew that when shit would hit the fan, I’d be able to fully trust him and his command. Yachting does teach you this kind of humility: when things get rough, you got leave your ego at the door and there can only be one captain because any disagreement (and the decision slowdown that comes with it) might cause a disaster. So thanks Rob for being that guy.

Day 7 we headed back to the Marina and said goodbye to Little Eva. Still unbelievable we made it in one piece and didn’t break anything (significant). After that, I dropped off Rob at the airport and he flew away to Japan to start his snowboarding adventure. So grateful for all the vagabonding experiences we shared over this last month and excited for the ones to come. For me, it was time for R&R. After a week at sea, I was battered. Sun-drenched, sea-drenched, tired, malnourished. I needed a detox, I needed a retreat. So I looked up what places in Phuket weren’t too touristy or party-party and ended up staying a few days in Bang Tao, where I could enjoy loneliness and sobriety. I went for massages, did heaps of yoga. Even splurged on a vitamin IV and a B12 shot — that stuff does work. I also engaged life recovery mode which consisted of getting replacements for the things that were in the daypack that got stolen. Including documents like driving licence or credit card but also travel necessities like a good daypack, a water container, a wallet, etc…For the first time in years, I had to forsake Amazon Prime and instead go spend hours in air-conditioned malls looking for the things I needed. Crazy.

Melody, a friend from my Tokyo days, was coming to town and we wanted to catchup after all those years. We always meet in the craziest places, from Taiwan to Paris. She was staying in Patong and I figured I could move there too, especially if we were to have a night out together (no drunk driving 30 kms). It was great to hang out and reminisce about the sheer exuberance of those years studying/modelling in Japan, all the while sampling epic street food and getting foot massages.

We did go big one night (it was the pre-party of a major trance festival) and I ended up doing reckless things even I am too ashamed of to write about on this blog (my dad is reading, after all).

In the end, I feel like I ended up staying in Phuket longer than I should have. Patong, especially, was soul-crushing for me. It’s the best-worst example of tourism gone wrong. Everywhere you look is entertainment: bars, nightclubs, restaurants, tour operators, massages, malls…And they’re all excessively tacky, beige even. It’s the same kind of vibe you might find in Magaluf, Mallorca, with the two dominant colours being mutant green and lollipop pink. The whole economy revolves around tourists consuming stuff and therefore, I as a one, am nothing but raw material in the eyes of locals. Local vendors there are the rudest and try to rip you off whenever they can. But I can understand: the tourist bros coming there in flock to tan and get fucked up aren’t any better, so logically locals get jaded and start giving us the treatment we deserve. There is no love in the air, only exploitation.

So why the hell did I spend a whole week there? Partly out of necessity, partly out of laziness. With the need to recover my things and also because of how tired I was of being constantly on the move for the last month, I needed a base at least for a little bit. Circumstances just happened to elect Phuket and so it was. Phukin Phuket. My tourist trap, where I got stuck. All that said, I also see it as a valuable a part of my adventure: the sourness I tasted there only makes the sweetness of other places more salient. If anything, it was a valuable experience.

“Adventurous men enjoy shipwrecks, mutinies, earthquakes, conflagrations, and all kinds of unpleasant experiences. They say to themselves, for example, ‘So this is what an earthquake is like,’ and it gives them pleasure to have their knowledge of the world increased by this new item.”

Bertrand Russell

Also, there is this interesting thing about travelling without a return date, about vagabonding, where the point (at least for me) is to drift and see where life takes you. Then, there is an interesting tension between going with the flow or being intentional. Do you relax and let the place mould you for a bit? Or do you maintain strong boundaries? And when do you choose to choose?

Once the frustration of staying any longer in Phuket finally outweigh the laziness to leave, I made an escape plan. I took a bus to Satun, further south, next to the border with Malaysia and spent a night there before heading out to Langkawi. In Satun, my heart felt it was in the right place again and my soul started growing back. I felt much more at peace, wandering the quiet streets of the town and sampling local street food at the night market. There was a citizens’ parade for Chinese New Year and I stood there watching while eating a vegetable pancake. That, I thought, is what I needed. Humble, quiet, authentic village life.

Next morning, I took a ferry to Langkawi, Malaysia. I loved it from the moment I set foot. They call it “The Gem of Kedah” and for a reason – it reminds me of Kauai, Hawaii. Jade-green mountains, crystal-clear waters, laid back locals. There they don’t really need tourists as much as they do in Southern Thailand, so it felt nice to be let off the hook for a bit. Got myself a scooter and drove through the island, looking for a remote hostel where I could enjoy some alone time and finally slow down. In truth, that’s the one intention I hadn’t yet been acting upon at all over this last month. If anything, I had only sped up! Besides, the inner introvert was crying out for alone time. So I ended spending two magical, solitary days with very limited social interaction, lots of reading and probably the best food I’ve had on this trip. Including but not limited to: Mee Rebus, Char Kuey Teow, all the Nasi (lemak, goreng, etc), Checur, Cendol and so on. I love Malaysian street food and I’ve found a good heuristic to spot the best joints: it’s on the roadside, it’s got plastic chairs and a bunch of locals are digging in.

Selamat Malam!

Mekong Cruising — a month in Indochina

Hey, friend. So here it is, my first entry on this blog. Being written as I sip a Beer Lao, sitting on a bench aboard an old, wooden slow-boat travelling up the mighty Mekong River from Laos into Northern Thailand. From my seat, I see hills teeming with lush green jungle, invariably diving together into the Mekong.

I’ve never seen a river like this. It feels part lifeline, part highway, part mother. It provides water, food, transportation and livelihood to the people of the region, as far north as China and as far south as Cambodia.

And I’ve been following it for close to a month. Magically, my relationship with the river has been the one constant since I landed in Phnom Penh on December 30th, the first day of a ‘who-knows-long’ trip around the Pacific, to explore the world, reflect, recharge — and surf!

On the first morning of my trip (and penultimate day of 2019), I landed in scorching Phnom Penh, jetlagged, exhausted from 20 hours of flight, feeling sweaty and yucky. I couldn’t even get a change of clothes as my rucksack somehow didn’t make the transfer in Taipei (#treasureyourtraveltroubles) and so, half delirious, I went to buy a change of clothes at a local market. I was feeling ungrounded, restless and utterly confused.

That was until I got my ass on a boat cruising the Mekong River at sunset. Alone, in silence, far from the buzz of the city, I found refuge in the tranquil haven of the river, its gentle breeze and rolling waves. It revived me, nourished me.

And so that’s how our relationship started. And now nearly a month later, I’m back on a boat, being gently rocked by the mother again.

My initial plan was to begin my trip in Cambodia to attend the wedding of two of my favourite humans (Luc and Nettra), meet with Rob (a friend and ex-colleague previously CTO at Busuu, also on a break) there, together head to Northern Thailand and then journey to Southern Thailand, chartering a yacht and putting to practice our newly-minted skipper licences.

But first, I spent a couple of days in Phnom Penh, soaking in the youthful (over 50% of the population is less than 30 year-old) and enterprising energy of this city. There I met with Vivaddhana, an old friend from my SciencesPo class now leading the national Brazilian Jiu Jitsu federation and involved in a variety of business ventures, as many bright young Cambodians are. It was touching to see that after 7 years apart, the rivers of our lives had joined again on many aspects (martial arts, entrepreneurship, spirituality) and we now probably felt closer than we ever had. I love when that happens. New Year’s Eve was also celebrated in Phnom Penh and we were kindly hosted by Nettra’s mom, in her Pinterest-perfect house overlooking the Mekong.

Next stop was Siem Reap (or “Destroy Thailand” in Khmer…), where the wedding was happening, a place famous around the world for the grandiose Angkor temples, king amongst them Angkor Wat. I was supposed to join the wedding party on their private bus, but after an indulgent NYE and much jet lag, I overslept (oops) in my hostel container bedroom (pitch black helps) and made my way there on my own.

And what a wedding this was! A day-long Khmer affair, it started at 6 a.m. with several of the groom’s friends (myself included) carrying baskets of offerings to the bride. This was followed by a succession of highly symbolic rituals (bride and groom feeding each other, tying knots, receiving blessings from elders), some delicious lunch, a cocktail back at the Méridien, a Western-style wedding ceremony with vows and speeches, a dinner and a party…phew! It was inspiring to witness tradition expressed in such a meaningful way, and made me long for more ritual in my life. It was also touching to hear the vows from the bride and groom, and made me connect more than ever to the possibility of obtaining freedom through unwavering commitment to another.

Also, I was personally honoured and privileged to be entrusted with MCing the evening ceremony and leading vows from their friends, gathered there to witness and support this union ever after.

Dear Luc, dear Nettra,

Before I give the floor to your parents, I would like to say something on behalf of your friends, who have travelled Cambodia and the world to be with you today.

Too often, successes and failures of couples are placed only on them, but we recognize it’s a community endeavor. And so we too, would like to take some vows with you today.

So everyone, please join in and repeat after me.

As your friends we promise,

To walk by your side,

In your journey of growth and exploration

To hold space when you need,

And listen with compassion

To always support you,

In your loving vows and kind intentions.

Not only was the wedding day unforgettable, Luc and Nettra had kindly put together a whole program of pre- and post-wedding activities. It somehow felt like a Sandbox retreat, getting stuck in deep meaningful conversations while living enriching experiences with so many interesting people from all over the world. Together, we visited the ancient temples of Angkor, toured silk farms (and worms!), watched a modern Khmer circus performance, explored night markets and sampled the finest foods.

I’d also taken a chance on renting a scooter my first day in Siem Reap. While the voice of safety within screamed “you’ll lose a limb if you scoot around in South East Asia”, the voice of freedom shut it up — and I’m happy it did. Zooming around the city and temples with a scooter was the ultimate feeling of freedom, and the risk was calculated. I was too safe back home anyway and one of the deeper purpose of my trip was to tilt the balance back to more freedom and trade it for a bit less safety. Back in the summer, I had realised that most of the choices we make about our life (work, love, passions) can be plotted on a Freedom vs Safety spectrum.

This realisation had me come to the conclusion that I was over-indexing on safety, sacrificing too much freedom and in turn affecting my happiness, flow and creativity. 5 years ago, it was the opposite: before I joined Busuu and arrived in London, I was over-indexing on freedom, but with little to no financial safety and so I had to sort my life out. Quitting my job and embarking on this trip was a way to tilt the balance once again.

Back to the scooter: in the near-absence of traffic signage in Cambodia, you find that there is a strange, subtle harmony within all the apparent chaos. I had noticed that on Day One, fresh from the plane, in the tuk-tuk to my hostel: while there don’t seem to be any road rules with everyone carving their way through, the whole thing is smooth and most interestingly — especially compared to the Western gridlocks of Marseille or Lisbon — absolutely silent. No honks, no shouts. Not even music blasting. Everyone is super aware of what everyone else is doing and it all works out like a big ballet. I like to think that traffic in Cambodia (and future will tell whether this applies to other countries in the region) is like one big organism, similar to a school of fish, where drivers instinctively understand what they can and cannot do. So Rob and I learned the rules pretty fast and soon enough, we were slicing through traffic like locals.

Even after the wedding was over and most people had left, a few stuck around for another round of Cambodia, including sunrise at Angkor, adventurous foods (including snake, tarantula, lizard and scorpio). and day-long scooter trips in the outback to find some ancient temples. Indiana Jones and Lara Croft had nothing on us.

I made some lifelong friends during those days and especially bonded with Shirah, the worldliest person and kindest adventurer I know. Thank you for our time together and good luck for your doctoral defence!

But, there comes a point though when you have to go. I felt it was time when I realised I knew the city well and could navigate it without a map.

So Rob and I proceeded to research the journey to our next stop, Chiang Mai, in Northern Thailand. As mentioned previously, the original plan was to head there before travelling down south to Phuket, where our charter yacht was waiting for us to sail it.

But plans change, and while the start and end points have remained, we took a little detour, as you do on such trip. Inviting chance is actually one of my guiding principles for this trip. Oh, I haven’t told you about them yet, have I? Probably one of the best moves I did to prepare this trip was to read Vagabonding by Rolf Potts. I’d had the book on my reading list for years already, since I’d heard author (and all-round life experimenter) Tim Ferris rave about it consistently. Below is my visual summary of the book.

Vagabonding helped me articulate how I wanted to live my own vagabonding journey and I came out with 5 principles:

– Slow Down

– Invite Chance

– Treasure Troubles

– Prevent > Repair

– Mix It Up

Inviting chance, we decided, rather than going straight to Cambodia, to head to the 4000 islands of South Laos after reading online that it “would be a crime to miss out on them”. We also had this romantic idea to buy a motorised, long tail fishing boat and navigate the up the Mekong with it (which turned out to be impractical, if not impossible given the current historically low Mekong water levels).

So, off to Laos.

After a day travelling through Cambodia and a memorable border crossing involving walking through a no-man’s land between the Cambodian side and the Laotian side, we made it to Don Det, “capital” of the 4000 islands.

Surrounded by the Mekong, this small island is only a few kilometers around. In a typical island style, the one word that comes to mind when thinking about Don Det is chill. Laid back locals, hammocks, no cars, waterfalls, reggae, happy shakes, bicycles, magic mushroom shakes and sandy beaches, it’s a backpacker’s paradise. A stark contrast from the bustling, hectic and tourist-packed streets of Siem Reap.

There’s also something about Lao people — only magnified by the island vibes. While their Khmer neighbours are often confident, proud hustlers, Lao people seem more quiet and laid back. You feel this with mainland Lao people, even in bigger cities like Pakse, Vientiane or Luang Prabang.

What were supposed to only be a couple of days in Don Det turned into 5. Why not? We’re not in a hurry and we’re loving the place!

In Don Det, watching a classic Meking sunset with Rob at a riverside bar, I met Elsa, a French entrepreneur travelling around Asia. Destiny’s hand was impossible to ignore in us meeting: as it turned out, we knew each other, even though we didn’t remember how. By an impossible coincidence, she was the one who had inherited my spot in the Babababarrio camp at Nowhere (a Spanish, regional Burn event) when I decided not to go last year! We also shared many dear friends in Paris, and funniest of all, were Facebook friends — though we’d never exchanged messages. How we initially met eludes us to this day. Oh yeah, and she’d also matched with Rob on Tinder the day before. Small world!

We hit it off pretty hard and a steamy romance ensued over the next few days, amidst cycling trips through the island, swimming in the Mekong and river cruises to see dolphins and late night karaokes with a bunch of crazy drunk local teenagers. We even got to play a game of pétanque against a crew of local aficionados, lost without a chance.

The time to move on came again. Elsa had told us about a motorcycle route north of the islands, the famous Pakse Loop which runs through the Bolaven plateau, highlands known for their coffee plantations and picturesque waterfalls. Elsa joined our crew and we were now a trio zooming through the loop on our scooters.

We saw some gigantic waterfalls at Tad Yuan and Tad Lo, and even went swimming under them, setting a trend with other tourists bravely following soon after.

Riding further, we took a chance and turned at Captain Hook’s coffee plantation. The plantation is farmed by a small Kuta community (hill tribe of Lao) in a recluse village where most locals have never ventured past the next town. Inspired by the authentic nature of the village which felt like a time capsule to agrarian times, replete with its roosters, pigs and cows freely roaming around, we elected to spend the night there and taste local hospitality. It did not disappoint as we were invited to share a meal in Captain Hook’s house, where 26 people over 5 generations live! I put aside my vegetarianism and joined in a delicious chicken hotpot (after internally thanking the animals for their meat, of course).

Next morning, Captain Cook took us through his plantation and explained the whole coffee growing and refining process, often sidetracking to give a well-woven world history of coffee (and colonialism). He also showed us a host of traditional plant medicines growing in the wild, and I felt immense respect for the community’s closeness to the earth and their land. We also learned about the many beliefs and traditions of the Kuta tribes (mostly Animistic), some of which definitely struck an uneasy chord of value judgements in our fellow tourists. Don’t know which one won the cultural shock prize though, between children starting to smoke tobacco around 3 year-old or the yearly, village-wide “kicking a puppy to death” ceremony to bring good luck. A valuable and fascinating insight into cultural divide. Others have written about this cultural experience here, so I won’t dwell on it too much.

Back on the road. We had initially planned to rent scooters in Pakse, drive through the Loop and bring them back. But in the spirit of adventure and inviting chance, we decided instead to negotiate return them up north in Thakhek so we could avoid going back and rather, ride across the country. The price to pay for the rental company’s trust was Rob’s passport — at least one of them — which was duly returned in Thakhek.

We drove miles and miles, through pretty good roads, and sometimes pretty bad, dirt ones.

After a full-on day motorbiking over 300 kms in the outback with zero comfort and lots of dust, where locals never see a farang, we made it to Thakhek, back to our tourist bubble and boarded a bus to Luang Prabang in the North.

Luang Prabang really reminds me of Kyoto. A millennial town, previously the seat of an empire, rich in temples, craft and gastronomy. Also, slow, clean, comfortable. After 5 days of intense travelling in the Laotian outback, this was exactly what we needed and so we treated ourselves to gourmet food, spa treatments and temple visits. We even had Galette des Rois (the French influence is felt here).

A very welcome stop before embarking on the next leg of our journey — Luang Prabang to Thailand via slowboat on the Mekong. We also parted ways with Elsa, who stayed there before going East, while we are going West. I know it’s just a goodbye though – we’ll meet again on our respective adventures I’m sure.

The journey is 2 days to Huay Xai, after which we’ll take a bus to Chiang Mai. We’re sharing the boat with both Laotians and tourist, and it feels like a mini-cruise. The boat is big and sturdy, and we get the best views of the river and mountains around it. It is gently rolling on the Mekong — especially compared to the local speedboats, those crazy fast long tail boats which look like a surfboard with an engine strapped at the back and whose captains wear helmets (passengers none). It would have been a fun ride, but I sure couldn’t have been writing all this!

Wow! You’ve made it to the end of this entry 👏🏾

I’ll try not to procrastinate too much to keep this journal updated, but in the meantime you can follow a more visual and up-to-date account of my adventure on insta (@diary_of_a_vagabond).

Tschüss for now!

Hello World!

After 5 life changing years living in London and working at Busuu, I’m taking some time off to recharge, reflect and roam the world.

You can find me surfing around the Pacific. Or follow my adventures right here, starting in the new year…stay tuned!